Pages

11.10.2009

What's in a Name?

Life could have been so much easier for me if my parents had either

1) given me a name they intended to call me, or
2) called me by the name they actually gave me. My name has been a big frickin' deal my entire life.

I was christened Sheila Kathryn, but did they call me Sheila? No. When I was a baby, it was Sheila Kay, but all I remember is Kathy. At the age of 9 this was changed to Kaye, and until their deaths, my mom still called me Kathy while my dad called me Kaye. I preferred Kaye, and used it until 1999, when my pen name, Steph, took over by the use of online friends who never knew Kaye. But even that began as a masculine pen name, Stephan Karl, which is what my parents had planned to name me, until I emerged from the nom de plume closet and my gender was plain for all to see. Still, all through my school years, the kids called me Kaye while the teachers called me Sheila, which, for some reason, gave the kids reason to make fun of me. WTF...



In there somewhere is Kate, which my English friends dubbed me in the late 1970s, and even that was split into Katy and Katesy by some of them. Various nicknames included Johnny, Wally, Jody, Kayeberger, Berg, and Wolfi. We won't even go into last names. I was widowed once and divorced once, so that gave me two of those, but I simplified that decades ago by sticking to my maiden name.

But nowhere in my moniker nightmare was the name Stephanie ever, ever used. So why do people insist on calling me that? I've had Nettl introduce me, "This is my partner, Steph," and the lame brain turns right around and says while they're shaking my hand, "Nice to meet you, Stephanie!"

GRRR! If someone tells me their name is Bob, I don't go and call them Robert, do I? I figure, like any polite, sane person would, that the name I am told is the name they prefer. Duh!

Last week when I called the pizza place, I made an order to be delivered and the guy says, "So this is [insert address here]?" "Yes," I replied. "Okay, Stephanie, we'll have it there in 30 minutes!"

Hey, when did I ever tell you numbnutz that my name is Stephanie!?

Lately, I'm really missing being Kaye. I've always been happy that my parents didn't give me an "ie" name (not to insult all you Debbies and Suzies out there). Well, except for Kathy, and I hated being called that for other, more personal reasons. If I'd known that "Stephanie" was going to be such an issue, I would have stuck with Kaye in the first place. It's a strong name.

Frank was the only person ever to call me Sheila. Well, and the IRS. But this name business has always been a thorn in my flesh, especially where my trolls and stalkers are concerned. They seem to think that knowing my full name gives them power over me somehow, but that borders on the nefarious to me, like something out of a novel about witches knowing one's true name and using it to cast spells.

12 comments :

  1. I know that most of your old friends know you as "Kaye", and when we first met I called you Kaye, but I've known you as Steph for so long that it would be hard for me to change. But, yes, I agree that Stephanie doesn't fie AT ALL.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm not going back to Kaye, I just miss the relative simplicity of having only two names instead of three or four!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have a similar issue. A lot of my friends call me by my last name. It sounds like a nickname so most people assume that's all it is. Even Gia calls me by my last name.

    So when folks find out my real first name (it's not Earl) or that the nickname they were using was in fact my real last name they are befuddled.

    By the way, the name "Stephanie" never comes to mind when I think of you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I was thoroughly confused the first time I saw Sheila K on your Facebook profile. I just "assumed" Steph was short for Stephanie. If you think your plight is bad get a load of this. My nickname is Corky. Everyone calls me that....EVERYONE. Roschelle is my middle name which I started using just for blogsville. My real name must not be mentioned...for if I told you,.....I'd have to kill you ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Earl: Thank you! But now, I'm really curious about your last name-nickname.

    Roschelle: Corky! How cute!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I got stuck with "Kathy Ann" - which to me has always sounded so dorky. My mother thought "Handyside" (my last name) was a really long last name, so she gave me and my brother short first names. I keep having to tell figures of authority that yes, my first name really is just "Kathy", not Kathleen or Kathryn. I've thought of legally changing my first name to Kathryn, though. Actually, I would have liked to be Jessica (nickname Jess), Jennifer (nickname Jen), or Alexandra (nickname Alex) but they don't sound right with "Handyside". The Scottish-Gaelic form of my name is Catriona. All my friends have always called me "Kath".

    ReplyDelete
  7. I know a young Steph and I wouldn't dream of calling her anything else (unless, of course, she asked me to).
    Names are hugely personal and highly important. I always feel terrible when I botch someone's name.
    I have a driving need to know how to spell and pronounce someone's name (which also helps me to remember the person's name).

    That said, my oldest son has a given name and a nickname, and they are strangely related. He uses his given name at school and his nickname at home and church.
    My other kids all still go by their parent-given (and logical) nicknames; two of those are typically for only young children, but the 13yo and 17yo continue to prefer them. In our case, the given names are to honor older relatives and the nicknames are to grant the boys their own personalities/names.

    ReplyDelete
  8. My first name is actually Karen, but I've always gone by my middle name, Lynette. Whenever I would start a new year in school I would have to go through the whole ordeal of having to tell my teachers/professors that I didn't use the name Karen--that I was called by my middle name, Lynette. It got so bad that I started making my legal signature, K. Lynette -----. Hopefully one day, after this country decides that Steph and I are equal citizens under the 1st amendment and we can get married, I will drop Karen altogether and use Lynette as my first name, my last name as my middle name and add Steph's last name as mine.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Just think that life is a party, and put a name label on your chest wherever you go!! Hi..my name is....!!
    Lotsa luck!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. My first name is actually Karen, but I've always gone by my middle name, Lynette. Whenever I would start a new year in school I would have to go through the whole ordeal of having to tell my teachers/professors that I didn't use the name Karen--that I was called by my middle name, Lynette. It got so bad that I started making my legal signature, K. Lynette -----. Hopefully one day, after this country decides that Steph and I are equal citizens under the 1st amendment and we can get married, I will drop Karen altogether and use Lynette as my first name, my last name as my middle name and add Steph's last name as mine.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Just think that life is a party, and put a name label on your chest wherever you go!! Hi..my name is....!!
    Lotsa luck!!

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.