The Best Laid Plans

In just an hour or so Lynette, Lauren, and Heather will be leaving to drive to Memphis together. Lauren has been spending the summer here and is now moving on to New York City, where she will attend NYU as a grad student. The girls' dad lives in Memphis, so he will be taking her on to New York. The other two will return on Sunday evening...

Out of the Abyss

As if chronic pain isn't enough  for its own sake (no, be patient. This is a positive post, so bear with me), there's also the accompanying sleep deficit. I've had to deal with pain since 1997 when I was diagnosed with DDD (Degenerative Disk Disease). Since then, I think I can claim about three nights out of any given year that I could say I actually slept well and woke up feeling refreshed. For a long time I thought the fatigue I've also battled (I promise, this is a positive post!) was due solely to my other complaint, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. While it played a part earlier, I finally found the right dosage of medication two years ago and since then I've really had no reason to be so fatigued. Now I understand why. I thought...

End of a Nightmare

I haven't wanted to say anything because I was afraid it was a fluke, or that I might jinx myself, but it's been two full weeks and I think it's safe.

I've been going to bed at what is a reasonable hour (for me). It isn't taking me an hour to fall asleep and once I'm out, I don't wake up fifteen minutes later and have to wait another hour before falling asleep again. I sleep through the night, I hear nothing, and I stay asleep. And when I wake up, I'm refreshed and rested, and I have a full day ahead of me instead of waking up at noon, fatigued and listless, with just a few hours before Lynette comes home from work. It's been two weeks.

Thinking-Impaired Creep

I think I'm okay until I find myself doing something that I know better than to do... or until I attempt a sentence like that one and am not sure if it came out all right. (Why isn't there a contraction for "am not"? What would it be, am'nt?) It's not until I do something like I did last night that I'm pret-ty sure that I shouldn't attempt driving for a little while.

I consider myself to be web savvy. I'm a web designer after all and I've been hanging out in the ether since before it was called the Web. My first online experiences were in 1989 when I had a Q-Link account. $3.99 an hour... ouch!

Selective Insomniac

"The best-laid plans of mice and men..." or something like that.

So my plan to go to bed early every night for a week lasted exactly one night. Each night I have been staying up just a little longer, and last night I was up until nearly five this morning. Please don't think that I'm a victim or anything. I could go to bed if I really wanted to. It would mean a fistful of OTC sleeping aids, tossing and turning, and trying to shut off my thoughts for a couple of hours, but eventually, I'd wear myself out. Then I'd sleep until one or two in the afternoon, sore and achy from sleeping in the same position all that time, and I'd be groggy and grumpy until everyone else has gone to bed. What's the sense in that? Much better not to fight it and allow my body to keep to its own clock.

I'm fortunate that I work from home running my own business. I remember the hell that was my life when I was still part of the Commute Group. I feel for you, people, and I know how it is for you 8-5 insomniacs. I remember those lunch hour naps in my car. It also helps that there are no children in the house any more; I can nap when I feel the urge without worrying about the kids wreaking havoc to the house or each other.

Work to do... work to do... Have a great day, all!

Soft

Although I’ve always been a night owl, I do wish I could go to sleep when I want and need to. I went to bed just after 3:30 this morning and lay there for well on an hour and a half until I finally fell to sleep. I was sleeping pretty well, too, but a mere two hours later I heard a small squabble going on between the kids and I was awake again. It’s no fault of theirs; when I’m like this a fly scratching its back legs on my wall will wake me up.

I lay there until a little after 7:30, drifting softly between sleep and wakefulness, a wholly pleasant sensation. I was aware of everything. The soft blanket against my foot, my face caressed by the pillowcase, my low, barely there breathing. Everything feels soft to me and has all week. This is not merely a feeble attempt to describe my emotional responses to my environment, it is an altogether visceral thing. I feel as if my senses are wrapped in a down and silk blanket. I move more gently through my day and nothing seems to be able to get in to bother me. Perhaps it’s the meds. Perhaps it’s the weather. Or perhaps it’s both.