The Dogs of Summer

Look, I have no problem with dogs. I'm a "dog person" and I miss having a dog so much sometimes, it's actually painful. And I'm pretty patient where pets are concerned. I'll deal with your dog crapping in my yard, pissing on my tree, and even drinking my cat's water. No big deal, just everyday things in the life of a dog.

What I can't deal with is your barking dog keeping our family awake all night and then waking me up after I've finally managed to join them. When your dog wakes me up, although I'm wearing 33db earplugs, there's a problem. DO something...

I called Animal Control last month because you went off with your boyfriends for three days, leaving your dog tied up outside in 105° heat. She'd knocked over her water bowl (as dogs will do) and was so thirsty, she broke free from her tether and began roaming the neighborhood. C'mon. She's a Pitbull, a dog that scares the crap out of most people and she has no business roaming the neighborhood. I saw her out in the main street, where she nearly got hit twice, so I seduced her back to your yard with a big bowl of water. I didn't dare try to tie her back up. I wasn't going to venture that close to her; she doesn't know me. When Animal Control finally showed up (about an hour later), all they did was tie her up. That didn't stop the barking that wasn't too serious a problem at that point. I understood. She was lonely and hot. Shame on you. I didn't even mind when she chewed my bowl into little pieces. She was bored. And now I see you've acquired a Pitbull puppy. Great.

Since then, you take her somewhere in the daytime. Good for you! But at night, when you're sleeping off whatever substance you've filled your poor little ditzy college girl head with, she barks. Relentlessly. From where you tie her up not 30 feet from our bedroom windows. Can you not hear it? Can you not hear me when I open our window and yell, "SHUTTHEFUCKUP!!!" two or three times every night?

So last night at 4:30am I called the police and filed a report. The dog was quiet for awhile, but after I'd been asleep about an hour she started in again. That's why you got that not-so-patient note taped to your door.

We'll see what you do about it tonight, and we'll see if I have to come knock on your door at 4:30 in the morning, waking YOU up.