Engulfed in Flames

I haven’t written in a few days because I’ve been so damned creative I can hardly sit still. I haven’t felt like this in years. Literally. I’m finally breaking out of a terrible, sluggish dry spell, and I’m full of ideas and inspiration—and the energy—for both my music and my writing. I’ve been a bit of a stand-up comic too, but that’s what usually happens when I’m in a creative flux. I’m blazing with passion for everything. My god, it has been at least 10 years since I felt like this! And all this time I thought I was just getting old and tired. I’m attributing this surge to a number of things...

• I’m eating better, lighter, and less
• I’m drinking butt-loads of water
• I’m taking Centrum, Zinc and calcium
• I’m off Wellbutrin
• I’m avoiding Xanax when I can’t sleep
• I’m going outside every day to enjoy our unexpected spell of springtime weather
• I’m spending at least an hour a day doing each of the following:
  
  • composing
  • writing
  • reading

I’ve always possessed a great deal of energy and could run circles around people half my age, but when my life came toppling down around me after I moved to Denver in 1992, I felt all of that energy draining out of me, as if I were being bled to death. I seriously thought I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for the longest time, and was even treated for clinical depression. I now believe I was just overwhelmed by circumstance and too much responsibility. I hate to say it, but everything started to get better after my mother died last December. I loved her, but she was manipulative and abusive.

This evening, with Heather blogging, Lauren at work and Nathan at a concert, Nettl and I slipped out to Cafe Bella for dinner. I had a turkey, avocado and Swiss panini and a latte while Nettl had the spinach quiche. We shared a cup of tabouli with baked tortilla chips. Afterward, we went to Hobby Lobby and we naturally saw plenty of things we’d like but can’t afford. There was a granite-topped patio table and two chairs we may go back and get though. We did buy some paints so that we can “age” a plaster pedestal we have in the living room. It has a beveled glass top on it and is used as an end table for my wing back reading chair.

Tonight I have a legitimate excuse for staying up all night. I usually go to bed around 5:00 a.m., feeling guilty (why, I don’t know. Must be all those years of being in the yuppie work force), but at 5:30 a.m. I’m driving Lauren to school for a trip her band is taking. Because Nettl works outside the home all week I thought it was only right that I should do this so that she can sleep in.