Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking:

1. Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?
   
   
2. Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?
   
   
3. Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?
   
   
4. Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?
   
   
5. Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?
   
   
6. Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?
   
   
7. Will there be a television in the bedroom?
   
   
8. Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?
   
   
9. Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?
   
   
10. Do we like and respect each other’s friends?
    
    
11. Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?
    
    
12. What does my family do that annoys you?
    
    
13. Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?
    
    
14. If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?
    
    
15. Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?

What questions do you think are important to ask before marriage?

Source: New York Times

Not a Kid Table Was Stirring

As I climbed the ladder into the attic yesterday, I felt an unexpected connection with my dad. How many times did he crawl up tentatively to get lights, old wrapping paper, wreathes, or other Christmas things that someone needed? I used to climb trees, sit on the roof, and scale walls like a monkey. Now, just getting past the fourth step fills me with images of lying on the concrete, waiting for someone to discover me and call 911. He warned me that this would happen. Putting up the outside lights brought memories back as well and I wondered how I got to be the elder in the family?

I was not blessed with a close extended family. We were very close-knit when I was a kid, but I think the last time we got together like we used to do was in 1972. I have an aunt and uncle, four cousins and no telling how many nieces and nephews, because at some point they decided family was about their family. I heard from my aunt when my mom died in 2004, and that was perfunctory at best. My parents are both gone and my only brother has never been about family and he doesn’t even know yet that his mother died. He only showed up to get his presents and ask my parents for money anyway. Good riddance. There’s a kind of abandonment issue that I feel every year at this time, so my new immediate family, which includes Lynette, Joel, Micah, Lauren, Heather and Nathan, means everything to me. They have given me the closeness I’ve always craved and, outside of missing my dad, I’m as happy as can be. But it’s weird being “The Old One”.

Other things–small things–bring happy memories. I bought a bag of nuts and put them in a bowl on the coffee table, along with my parents’ little pine box that houses nutcrackers and picks, and I immediately remembered the wooden bowl that my grandfather had. Sure wish I had one of those! We received a gift box of pears from Harry & David and I was reminded of the fruit and date packs we used to get when I was a child. Making fudge yesterday brought back memories of half-a-dozen sheets of the stuff sitting to cool on the washer and dryer in my aunt’s back porch, which always made coming into the house an exercise in self-control.

And now I find myself wishing there was a grandchild or two–but not yet. Not until I can afford to spoil them rotten! Christmas without children just doesn’t make sense. I mean, what’s the point? There’s not even a “Kid Table”.

Concerts, Commissions & Cookies

Looks like I have a permanent assignment as the program notes researcher/writer for the Stillwater Chamber Singers. Not only that, but I have been invited to compose something for next year’s Christmas concert, something that will spotlight Nettl’s gorgeous voice. I am already flooded with ideas!

After the concert yesterday afternoon, Jacey came over bearing beer, and we had a great time drinking, eating a bratwurst dinner, listening to holiday music, and just generally having a great time. Today, I have to go to the store, then set into making mountains of fudge and cut-out Christmas cookies. But first, I need another cup of coffee.