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9.22.2008

Insight

I dreamed last night that there was a hit man after me. I knew that he was going to get me, it was just a matter time and there was no escape. Of course, I spent most of the dream devising ways to give him the slip, but at last I realized that I was cornered. I found myself in inside a cottage-style house and I realized that there were all kinds of people involved in the plot to take my life, people I didn't suspect and people I didn't even know...

That's when I decided to take control of the situation. I came out of hiding and called everyone to come out and join me in some glasses of champagne. If someone was going to take my life from me, they were going to have to look me in the eye. Everyone came out then and we started pouring the bubbly. It felt like a party and I began to wonder if they were going to change their minds and let me live.

Then the hit man came up to me, smiling (he wasn't holding a gun or anything). You're going to laugh, but he was Gary Oldman (I think I've watched Air Force One too many times). I said hello to him and told him I knew what he had to do, and that my only wish was that I wouldn't know when it was going to happen. He replied, smiling, then suddenly he pulled a Luger out of his jacket and shot me right in the head. I fell and just lay there.

I wondered why I wasn't dead, but I wasn't going to move. I was going to play dead so that he wouldn't shoot me again. I lay there a long time and at last a woman came up saying that she would "take care of the body." That's when I realized that I was dead. I sat up then and looked down at myself lying there on the floor as everyone began to leave the house. I went over to the hit man and embraced him, telling him that I forgave him and that I was grateful that he'd done it the way he did, by honoring my wish. I was genuinely full of feelings of love and forgiveness, and he became very emotional. Although he couldn't see or feel me physically, he felt me spiritually, and had to leave.

That's when I woke up.

6 comments :

  1. Weird.

    Also, I recently saw a film which had Gary Oldman playing a hit man in it. Called "Dead Fish". Horrible film.

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  2. Yes, weird dream! Sounds like one of mine. I dreamed one time that the extended family gathered together to tell me that my biological father was really Yul Brynner.

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  3. Yeah.

    I can tell you what I think this dream is about. If my analysis is way off base or offensive, I apologize. I don't want to add to your hurt.

    You have alluded to the fact that for 11 years you were violated. Just like a hit man does. This leads me to believe that your perpetrator was a family member or family friend.

    And because he was close to the family, a lot people who should of known what was happening either knew and/or looked away. A conspiracy if you will.

    And the hit man is not a monster; he carries no gun, or knife. At first anyway. But then, it happens. He pulls out a gun and kills you. You are left disoriented, unable to figure out if you are alive or dead. And you spend the rest of your life sorting out the damage done. The rest of your life dodging and weaving.

    Part of sorting things out might be this dream. And again, if my armchair analysis is completely off or offensive, just let me know.

    But, I am assuming that part of this dream is you taking the power back. You are leveling the playing field by having champagne and calling everyone out of the dark. After all, pain and secrets hide in the dark. And you were done with that, in your dream.

    But it happened though. You were still shot. But you got up and forgave the hit man. You forgave him in such a way to send him on his way.

    And I can't help but be weepy for you. Happy weepy. I wish for your to heal anyway you can. I hope this dream left you feeling lighter.

    I know reading it lifted my spirits.

    Just some thoughts,

    Mrs. Hall

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  4. I'm a big fan of dream analysis too and yours is spot on, Mrs. Hall. Thanks! No offense taken whatsoever.

    I've also been cogitating on death lately. Not in the morbid sense, but wondering about the actual spiritual process. The actual passing.

    This dream was insightful on so many levels -- amazing what the mind does. I've been learning and practicing forgiveness this summer, of mending old wrongs and letting people "off the hook". It may sound corny, but I'm really working on unconditional love for people: no expectations, no judgments. That's what was great about this dream -- the real issue wasn't being shot and killed, it was the forgiveness. About saying, and really meaning, "Go in peace".

    I'm trying my hardest to live up to my obligations -- social, familial, and financial -- even though it's really, really hard. I'm doing my best, and that's something I haven't always lived up to. I've committed myself to the course of right action. I slip up sometimes, but never voluntarily.

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  5. I'm not one for analyzing dreams. There's a lot of open-ended considerations that seem to go into it that can be read more than one way. But, if asked, I'd say the analysis going on right here sounds plausible. But imagine if it was Gary Oldham as Sid Vicious. That would give it a whole other spin!

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  6. RW: I didn't mention that Kojak was in it, except that he was a dwarf.

    Okay, you can laugh now.

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