Oh Cripes, I Hate Feeling Like This

Since the holiday, I cannot seem to get myself back in alignment. I can't sleep, can't wake up, can't motivate myself to do anything, or even care if I do or I don't. I'm not ill or unhappy--I'm just out of step. I'm working on a blog entry, but I'm not sure when it'll be up.

Thanks for your patience.

Music Appreciation (for people who hate classical music)

How to Write a Musical

As a composer I was trained in Classical music. What does that mean? Form, counterpoint, strict harmony and rules, rules, rules. Because I'm a bit obsessive-compulsive and somewhat tight-assed about order and organization, I took to it like nobody's business. It was like being an architect, building from the foundation up and being careful to put in the plumbing in a way that made sense, while creating something of beauty. No one wants to see the plumbing, one only wants it to work.


Now that I'm working on a musical, I'm having to drop a lot of my training, and this isn't easy. You see, my education succeeded in inserting a very large cork up my creative backside, and I'm having to work very hard at dislodging it. I keep telling myself, "Be huge! Be bigger than life! Go over the top!" and other such things. What works in the concert hall will not work on the stage.


Traditionally, women composers (I can't believe we still say this; do we still say women doctors or women lawyers?) have been taught to lay low, to write "feminine" music, music that is not bombastic, bold, or in any way sounds like the music that men compose. It has gotten better, of course, but the attitude can still be felt; a lot of people think that women composers are messing around with something that belongs to men and that it's, well, just not as good or as interesting. The thing is, there have always been women who compose music. From Hildegard von Bingen in the 12th century to modern composers like Vivian Kubrick, we have been around, holding our own in  a male dominated field. And music composition is one of the last bastions of male supremacy. Think about it. When was the last time you saw one of those little white composer busts that was of a woman? I only bring this up to illustrate how easy it was for me to sit quietly at my piano, writing "polite" music. Now, however, I am being forced to shed my proverbial cocoon and come out dancing with top hat and cane, with huge gestures and a belting voice. It's a lot of fun. No wonder men have been doing this for so long. This having fun concept is proving to be the most important lesson I'm learning, in fact. What? Composition can be fun? It has always been rewarding for me, even addictive, but fun? Ummm...


As I'm writing this musical, I'm pulling all the stops as it were and rising above my training and education. I'm turning off my mentor's voice and going for the laughs and the applause. Opera is about bowing to the altar if music, while the musical is about bending it into all kinds of absurd shapes and having fun. Composing opera is all about beauty and tradition--about the music; composing a musical is all about entertainment and the audience.

Thanksgiving at Bookends Cottage

LAST NIGHT:

Nathan (who will be going to Le Cordon Bleu
next year) lends his hand at making pie crusts.

Lauren & Yours Truly doing what we do.


TODAY:

Gobble, gobble...

Till we wobble, wobble.

Raising Thanksgiving Consciousness

My predilection for living in all tenses, past, present, and future, comes from my dad. People in our family (especially my mother, who didn't understand him at all) thought that he lived in the past, but as I get older--and more like him--I know that this was a false notion.

Holidays like this one send my mind racing back to past Thanksgivings when I was a kid. I remember how much Dad loved the day and how Grandmother always made him his own chocolate cream pie because he didn't like pumpkin. I remember how nostalgic Dad was and I recognized the look he always got on his face when he thought no one was looking. He was looking back to his own childhood, as well as to future Thanksgivings when he would be gone. At the same time, he was completely enjoying the present as well.

I find myself doing this now that I've scaled the "over 50" fence. As I think back on those days at either Grandmother's house or my Aunt Pat and Uncle Don's, I can't help but wonder what our family will become when Nettl and I are gone. Will they get together around the the table, remembering our Thanksgivings as a family? Will they talk about Nettl's apple pies and my jokes that always make Heather nearly spew? Will one of them live in the Thanksgiving time warp that has been passed down?

I've never understood families that get together on these special days just to fuss and fight, and wait impatiently for it to be over. Nothing lasts forever, and one day we may be all alone, looking back on our past holidays. None of us know where we will be then: palace or alley, surrounded by family or in a nursing home with no family left. How do we wish to remember our Thanksgivings? Would we prefer to remember fighting, or savoring it for the blessing that it is?

We will be there one day: our kids will be middle-aged and new generations will take the center of the family stage. If we can remember to exercise a little past-present-future consciousness, we can make memories that will comfort us when we're old.

May you and your family make pleasant memories today that will be remembered with love.

The Blessing of a Blended Family

Once a year I feel totally justified in waxing sentimental. When I was younger I was part of a large extended family, and Thanksgiving was spent in much the same way that other Americans spent theirs: kids running around, moms, aunts and grandmoms in the kitchen cooking (and nipping on wine), dads, uncles and granddads playing cards, working on cars, BSing (and drinking beer). All that ended for me in 1974 when my grandmother died and our family began to slowly disintegrate. Finally, by 1993 it was all over with my dad's death, and between then and 2000 I don't even remember Thanksgiving without not-so-vague feelings of being a kind of orphan.

When, in 2000 Nettl and I joined our lives and our immediate families, I was given the greatest gift I've ever received: five kids (she has three and I have two). They're all grown now, ranging from 17 to 39. I cannot imagine where I'd be without my family, and when I try to, I cannot imagine being even remotely happy. Tomorrow, we'll all be together, the seven of us, and we'll be doing what many other American families will be doing: cooking, talking, making music, laughing, and eating. I'm relishing every minute; who knows when this will happen again? Soon enough it will be partners and children, and over-crowded schedules.

This year I'm thankful for my family and the way we enjoy each other, and pull together. I'm also thankful for the generosity of friends, who allow me the blessing of relaxing and enjoying the day without worries of where the food will come from. Bless you.

And bless all of you. Have a very happy Thanksgiving!

"I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich."
M*A*S*H

"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men,
women, an occasional animal, and the common cold."
Ogden Nash (Hope you feel better soon, Nathan)

"And thank you for a house full of people I love."
Ward Elliot Hour

Addios Firefox!

After three months of constant Firefox 3.5.5 issues, I've said good-bye. Sad, too, because I was a die hard fan for so long.

Tonight (last night to you), as I was doing some stuff online, all of the page graphics and images just disappeared. Kaput! No matter what I tried, nothing brought the pages back around to looking right. I went over to Internet Explorer, but IE8 doesn't show videos. They say it's an issue. Duh! Finally, I downloaded Chrome, but the jury is still out on whether I'll keep it or not, or if my Vista can even handle it.

Now, Blogger has this new image uploader that doesn't align the text  around an image correctly. If I backspace to get rid of the extra line, it deletes the image. To make it work, I have to go in and play with the code, and that's a pain.

I'll say one thing for Chrome: it's fast!

Have I Ever Told You...

How much I love Lou Rawls? I always wanted to meet him, but never under these circumstances!

Willow's Soft Ginger Cookies Are the BEST!

If you don't believe me, visit Willow's blog for the recipe, and try them yourself. They are, as Micah said, "Evilicious". These are the BEST ginger cookies I've ever eaten. Perfect for the holidays!

Photo by Willow.

Morning From the Other Side

Unable to keep my eyes open, I went to bed last night before 10:00. Usually, if I'm seeing six in the morning, it's because I'm still up, but today I awoke ready to get going on the day. The kids are coming home tomorrow after all, and I have a lot to do.

So here I am, sitting in bed, talking to Nettl who's getting ready for work and complaining at the cat. God, the cat... She was such a pain yesterday; hope she's in a better humor today. Having a two year-old in the house is easier than she is. My entire day is spent being both her personal valet and dominatrix. I like cats, but dogs are easier.

I may make another entry later, when I've been up a while and actually have something to write about. Have a great morning!