Hello everyone. I just thought that I'd tell you what's going on around here. I'd tell you my name, but I'm not sure what it is. At first, they called me Sweetie, but that's been changed to Kitty, sometimes Cat (when my people are angry at me for God knows why) or, worse, F**ker-Cat. Sheesh. I don't understand people. I like things to be a certain way, you see. I like my meals on time, doors to stay open, and my litter box to be clean. Is that so much to ask? In fact, what prompted me to write is the subject of food.Why is it so hard to get a fripping meal around here? I know that my meals are always at 7:00 am and 5:00 pm. That's why I start two hours earlier to remind my people that meal time is coming. If I didn't, they'd probably forget. You don't know what a hassle it is working a four-hour split shift just so these bozos don't forget to feed me. Besides, it works. Sure, they get mad and call me names, especially when I sharpen my claws on the furniture, but I do that stuff on purpose, you see. All this hard work, and do you know how they reward me? They go and give MY FOOD to that old yellow Tom who lives in the dog house in MY BACK YARD! Out of MY Bistro feeder! Just great. He gets an unlimited supply of food that he can have anytime he freaking wants it, and I have to wait for MY food. He doesn't even have to do anything to get it, either! I've never been more insulted! I hate ferals. Get a job, ya lazy-ass!
As if that isn't enough, there's that calico Tom who sits on MY porch and stares at me through the door like I'm a piece of meat or something, the birds that sit in the bush just outside MY window, teasing me, all these damned neighborhood dogs, and worst of all, that ugly-assed cat that walks around on MY roof at night. At our other house I was top cat in our neighborhood! I was a force to be reckoned with! But here? A mere shadow of my former self. And now they're feeding that old fart in the back yard.Well, that's all I really wanted to say. I feel much better now; I think I'll take a nap. Thanks.
Tell me about it - at least they don't tell you that you have an ass the size of Texas - Monika.
ReplyDeleteI have no trouble 'cause I am soooo Cute! - Sissi.
But then, you don't have this grotesque spot on your nose, bitches!
ReplyDeleteHi, this is Earl's cat. Well, one of Earl's cat. I'm his favorite though. They call me Wolowitz. Or Dubs. Or Dr. Wu. Or Wu-Tang. It doesn't make a lot of sense. All I know is that I'm very handsome. Because they keep telling me that. And I'm very smart. You think typing all this out without any opposable thumbs is easy? Anyway, I can relate. There are these other three cats living here as well and they get an awful lot of attention. And they have a ton of names too. So it's difficult keeping track of who is who. Because I'm a cat. All I know is that I like to drink my water out of the fountain upside-down. That's what we were talking about right? Hi! I'm a cat.
ReplyDeleteHave you been taking dog lessons from a correspondence school? (Going back to sleep.)
ReplyDeleteROFLMAO!!!
ReplyDeleteThat is so so funny. I didn't know my cat was related to yours, she seems to have the very same attitude yours does. Cats are wonderful and crazy at the same time! Love them. Jeanne
ReplyDeleteThis is Doris. I'm using her computer while she's in another room.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean, Sweetie. (I think all cats should be called Sweetie.) I have a special goodie every evening and I have to start reminding the man person about it an hour or so before the scheduled time. I don't see why he has to wait until any special time, anyway, though. Who ever heard of a cat being on a schedule? What harm would it do to give me my goodie just a little bit earlier? Or whenever I want it?
We have bad cats around here, too, who come to our patio and tease my brother and me because we're always inside. I yell at them, though. It's most effective in the middle of the night when all of a sudden the woman person will come out and turn on the light, chasing away the interloper. I wonder how she knows that there's a bad cat outside just at that moment.
Somebody is really pissed...better sleep with one eye opened and one eye closed...
ReplyDeleteSugar: That's because we cats originate from royal lineage.
ReplyDeleteDoris: How dare your woman person get angry when you do your job! See what I mean? No gratitude!
Roschelle: I am not pissed... I am indignant. I am a cat.
This is Doris. I'm using her computer while she's in another room.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean, Sweetie. (I think all cats should be called Sweetie.) I have a special goodie every evening and I have to start reminding the man person about it an hour or so before the scheduled time. I don't see why he has to wait until any special time, anyway, though. Who ever heard of a cat being on a schedule? What harm would it do to give me my goodie just a little bit earlier? Or whenever I want it?
We have bad cats around here, too, who come to our patio and tease my brother and me because we're always inside. I yell at them, though. It's most effective in the middle of the night when all of a sudden the woman person will come out and turn on the light, chasing away the interloper. I wonder how she knows that there's a bad cat outside just at that moment.
That is so so funny. I didn't know my cat was related to yours, she seems to have the very same attitude yours does. Cats are wonderful and crazy at the same time! Love them. Jeanne
ReplyDelete