Many years ago, I had a dream in which I found myself in a room whose walls were lined with beautiful porcelain, hand-painted drainpipes that looked like they were made by Dresden. There were other facets to the dream that I won't go into here, but I always wondered what the drainpipes represented in the context of the dream. I knew that they symbolized channels and that their being so white and beautiful, with little flowers and cherubs painted on them symbolized the need to keep my channels pure and free of debris. Still, I had no idea how to apply that to the specifics of the dream. I finally figured it out this past weekend. It has taken me nearly 25 years to do so.
I now realize that each drainpipe is a negativity that I harbor in my deepest recesses, those things that, like playing with a bad tooth, "hurt so good" and which I cannot leave alone. As these little epiphanies come to me, I'm writing them down so that I can name each drainpipe and clean the years of debris that has collected in it. This is the only way that I can be a clean channel, so to speak, to live a life of prosperity and joy, without regret and without feeling unworthy.
The truth about judgmentalism is that it tells us more about the judge than it does the judged. How can I allow the shallow biases of people I hardly know destroy my happiness? Who are they anyway, and why should I care what they think, or say about me? We should only listen to the words of people who care about us, because we will then attempt to live up to their good opinions. If we listen to people who don't care about us, we fall further into the abyss of self-loathing and feelings of inadequacy.
I know that I have a great many issues that need to be dealt with, because there were a lot of drainpipes in that dream, but another part of it depicted great abundance, as well as joy and laughter without end.
7 comments:
im curious what made you finally make the connection about the drainpipes..
as you know, im facinated with dream analysis...
It was something that just dawned on me while talking about it to Nettl.
Dreams can be so revealing. I'm impressed that you've held this one so carefully for so many years.. waiting for its full analysis.
I experience vivid, often lucid dreams every night, but this was one of exactly three that have not lost their impact through the years.
I began writing my dreams down in the 70s and continued for about 20 years. I believe that trained my mind to retain them so clearly.
While I haven't experienced the kind of judgmentalism you have, I know I give other people way too much power over how I feel about myself.
I wish I knew how to begin to stop doing that, to stop caring what the rude people or the poorly-informed people or the self-centered people who are mad at me because I won't give them what they think they deserve are thinking about me.
I remember my dreams really well. Too well sometimes. I think for me a lot of times my dreaming is part of my brain's frantic attempt to declutter, and then another part of my brain goes out to the mental "trash can" and roots through it and goes, "Why are you throwing THIS away?"
I probably have way more stuff stuffed in my brain than I actually need.
I can't remember when I first visited your blog, or what exactly attracted me now...but in cleaning up my reader today, I happened once again upon you and enjoyed (maybe it was the cat stories or your way of staying strong...I need both, HahaMeow. So I am following now and can keep up with your writing.
I became a follower of yours this afternoon too!
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