The More We Judge, the Less We Love

This year's Celtic Festival was, to be kind, underwhelming. Maybe it's because we went on Sunday at about the time all of the church people in this town were converging upon Perkins and Walmart, or maybe it was because it was Father's Day. Probably, it was both.

There was a trio of musicians that was really very good though, and we had a lot of laughs making jokes about McChow's, meat pies, and "rocking the crosses" (you had to be there). After about an hour, Dr. Kielbasa offered to treat us to lunch. He had a taste for BBQ, but can you believe that every BBQ place in town was closed on Father's Day? We decided to go to El Tapatio instead and we had a great time. Although I'd had only one hour of sleep, I made it through until the carbs started to hit me. When we came home, I took a two-hour nap. Later, I took another one...

It's been a particularly robust weekend, emotionally speaking. I've gone from the peak of exhilaration to the depth of disappointment, which is why I couldn't sleep. Now, I'm fairly exhausted.

I don't understand people who judge me and then write me off after spending a whopping 1 minute and 53 seconds checking me out on the web, forming preconceived notions about my character based solely on my beliefs or my sexual orientation. I'm a good and decent person, I try to do good and I do my best to treat people with respect and dignity. Sometimes I mess up, but liking and being liked is important to me. If someone chooses not to associate with me because of who I am, it hurts. I'm a social person and I absolutely love people. I've never understood people who close their hearts and minds behind concrete walls.

I've been an emotional punching bag for so long that now, even the smallest things can bring me down. And the past few years have been gruelingly difficult for Nettl and me; our defenses just aren't what they used to be. It's a constant struggle to keep my morale up, but I'm not a quitter, and I still believe that life has something amazing waiting for me. I'll get there.

Although I've been advised not to wear my heart on my sleeve in such a public and open space as a blog, I refuse to close off. This is my journal, if you will. If I felt that I had to keep my thoughts and feelings safely tucked away from both my readers and my critics, I'd quit blogging altogether.