I'm one of those people who, when things get really bleak, asks, "Well, what's the worst that can happen?" Usually, the final deduction—when I go through the long "doom" list of possibilities—isn't as scary as I'd imagined and, often, it turns out to be a good thing in disguise...Let's say we can no longer pay our DSL bill. What's the worst that can happen?
No internet.
What's the worst that can happen?
No Facebook, no blogs, no online social life.
What's the worst that can happen?
I'd be forced to write more.
What's the worst that can happen?
I'd be more productive.
What's the worst that can happen?
I might actually write enough books to begin making some income.
What's the worst that can happen?
We wouldn't be hungry!
It's no secret around this corner of Blogsville that feeding the family is an ongoing crisis. In fact, wondering where the next meal is coming from has slowly become a way of life, the normal state of affairs. I'm not saying that it's become easier to live with, but I've gotten used to being really excited and grateful when I can somehow scrounge up three or four dollars in change. It's like a gift from heaven and I feel like I've made it through one more day of keeping the wolves from the door. I can make a hell of a split pea soup with four bucks!
Last night Dr. Kielbasa came over bearing kielbasa (of course), peppers, potatoes, and beer, and proceeded to make us an amazing Polish dinner. We had a great time. During the course of the evening I bemoaned my current issue with getting paid by the university for updating and revamping the music department's website last spring. I've been waiting on that $450 check for three weeks, dreaming of the day when I can put it in the bank and then fill the pantry and fridge. I've been working with the financial department, keeping my cool and being nice, but my patience had begun to run out. Not easy to be gracious when your autistic son is beginning to have scary thoughts of ending it all because going to bed hungry is just too hard to cope with.
Anyway, I'd learned that the secretary with whom I've been working hadn't processed my check because she lost her daughter in a car accident last week. Talk about the worst that can happen. I was glad that I hadn't lost my cool with her and that I'd inserted those little smiley faces at the end of my inquiries. But it wasn't the worst that could happen. Not by a long shot. As we sat at the table last night the Dr. told us that not only did she lose her daughter in that accident, but her three grandchildren as well.
There's nowhere to go with that. The question ends there. The worst that can happen has happened and there's nothing good that's going to come out of it.
So, while I'm patiently waiting for this check, biting my nails and counting how many potatoes there are in the pantry, I'm also counting my many blessings.
