Original Post Date: April 16, 2004
Seems the Nigerian people are the wealthiest on the face of the earth. They must be, judging from the amount of email I get from them wanting to give me literally millions of U.S. dollars. Most of the letters are run-of-the-mill, but yesterday I received an offer that was truly unique, at least in my experience with these shysters. Here is our correspondence thus far (I have not edited their emails to me)...
ATTN. MR. S.K. Waller:
I am Barrister, Smith Geep a solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney to Mr. Mark Waller a national of your country, who used to work with Shell-development Company in Nigeria. Here in after shall be referred to as my client.
On the 21st of April 2000, my client, his wife and their three children were involved in a car accident along sagamu express road. All occupants of thevehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to your embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives this has also proved unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you.
I am contacting you to assist in repatriating the money and property left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this huge deposit were lodged. Particularly, the finance company where the deceased had an account valued at about $20.5 million (TWENTY MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND U.S. DOLLARS). They issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated within the next ten official working days.
Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 3years now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you have the same last name, so that the proceeds of this account valued at $20.5 million dollars can be paid to you and then you and me can share the money. 60% to me and 40% to you.
I have all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim we may make. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please get in touch with me by my email and send to me your telephone and fax numbers to enable us discuss further about this transaction.
Barrister Smith Geep.
Dear Mr. Geep,
You can't imagine the scene of mourning that is taking place in my home at this very minute upon reading the news of the death of my dear Uncle Mark, as well as his longsuffering wife and wonderful children. Our entire family wiped out in the blink of an eye! My children are weeping, my wife is weeping, and I myself am weeping as I write this reply. We have been wondering for some time why our letters went unanswered, why we stopped receiving his yearly Christmas update letter, and why we got a "no longer in service" message whenever we tried to call. Uncle Mark was my father's youngest brother and after my father's death in 1993, all we had left was Uncle Mark. Now we are truly alone and I am the last in the Waller family line (my two children are girls).
I suppose you are aware that although Uncle Mark was a good man and an excellent provider, he did have a tendency to drink too much. I do hope the accident was not related to his habit of driving while under the influence of alcohol.
Also, have you been in contact with his mistress? Her name is Oluchi, but I don't know where she lives except that her city is Abuja. I met her once when they flew to Los Angeles for a short holiday in 1997. One afternoon he asked if I might not show her the sights while he conducted some business in Beverly Hills.
Less than a year after that visit, he wrote to say that she had borne him a son and was quite surprised because his doctor had performed a vasectomy on him after his third child was born. I avoided the subject as much as possible with him because I confess the woman made advances at me that I was unable to resist during the day I spent with her. I knew that the boy could very well be my own. Because I have only daughters I would like to do all I can to see that the boy is well provided for. I hope you understand the sensitivity of this situation: that my wife can know nothing about it.
Dear Mr. Waller,
I was in receipt of your mail and all you said have been well understood.
Please do send me your Tel.3s immediately. As soon as I receive it. I will proceed to Union bank Of Nig Plc to put up a letter of claim on your behalf as the next of kin to the late Mark Waller. Even the bank have indicated there rediness to transfer the fund to you. So reply immediatrely
Barreister Smith Geep.
Dear Mr. Geep,
As I explained in my letter, my wife can know nothing about this money due to the fact that there is a male who should naturally inherit it. And then what will happen upon the occasion of my own death? What will my wife and daughters think when they find out I slept with my uncle's mistress at the Beverly Hills Hotel? Therefore, I cannot send you my phone number, and I have no FAX. Besides, my wife is home all day and answers the phone.
I really do need you to look into the matter concerning his (my) son. Certainly a well-known and well-respected law firm such as yours can dig into this for me.
Mr. Geep never responded to this email and I never again received any offers from Nigeria. And it was a lot of fun to yank his chain. So glad I found this lost post!