My phone rings, waking me from a deep sleep, the first I've gotten in over a week. It's my doctor's nurse-assistant telling me that my THS levels are too high again and she wants to change my Levoxyl dosage.Before she can even finish her words I break into tears, begging, "Please, don't mess with my meds. The only thing I have going right now is that I feel good for a change."...
I tell her that every time I get to feeling well, they go and mess with my meds again and I go to hell again for two weeks. After patiently hearing me out, she asks me to wait a minute. Then I hear my doctor's voice. We talk for five minutes or so. She explains that I'm a walking heart attack again and that I have to get my levels down. I tell her about the hell I went through after I saw her last month. I also tell her that I can't keep coming in for blood work when I'm feeling well, that I can't afford $171 a pop, that that's a week of groceries and that if I have choose between feeling well and feeding my family, my family will win out. She's amazed that it's so expensive.
I know she's between a rock and a hard place. It's the blood work that tells her what condition my condition is in, but it's the condition's constant fluctuation that keeps me coming back for the blood work. What's she to do? I'm ashamed to admit that I actually succumbed to tears.
We finally compromise. I am to start taking only half a Levoxyl a day, but I know what this means. It means that sometime over the weekend I'll leave the comfortable plateau I've gotten used to and will begin a downhill slide into hell. It means that my birthday will be no fun and that I'll feel like crap at the Okie Blogger Round-Up.
I just want off of this roller coaster. Two years is too long.
In a more uplifting vein, I started going through my photos last night. Like most people born before the 1990s, I have thousands of pictures. This morning I decided to start scanning every La Boheme picture that I have (from 1985 to present time) and create an online gallery for them so that my friends can go in and download the ones they want. This is going to be a long process, but it's something that will keep me calm while I work to get my heart out of the danger zone. It's also something that won't take too much effort; when I'm in the midst of a thyroid storm, even breathing is exhausting.
I wish I could go away somewhere. Spend the next two weeks on a beach where my body could do its thing while I evaporate into the atmosphere.
