Come Uppance

I awoke in a funk today when I realized there are only nine shopping days left until Christmas. Our family isn’t into high ticket gifts, not only because we can’t afford them, but because the holidays aren’t about topping yourself each year. Of the six Christmases we’ve shared, we had only one when we could spend what we wanted, and even then we set our limit to $100 per person. Those were the days! We thought this year would be better than last, but due to trying to catch up from my recent illness (and no new jobs coming in to boot), we’ll just be able to cover our bills and buy Christmas dinner. I think our overall gift budget is about $300 for the entire family, but that’s more than some people have. Good god! It was only two years ago that my mother died unexpectedly at Christmas time. Now, that was a hard and frightening Christmas!

I won’t be a hypocrite and say I hate all the gift-giving at Christmas time, because when I have the money I love shopping for other people and giving gifts. I love Christmas and if I had extra money, I’d spend it. But it’s hard to get over the hype and guilt that comes to call every December when television and radio ads market diamonds, iPods, game systems, computers and even cars. Funny how we modern humans are. When we can’t afford Christmas, we talk about blessings and family and thanksgiving. When we can afford it, we spend as if the spending itself is a form of gratitude. But Nettl and I don’t have credit cards because we don’t believe in spending money we don’t have and in our society there is a price one pays for practicing that radical idea. I can’t tell you how many times we’re treated like crap by chain store merchants, creditors and even some friends when we’re put in the position of having to explain this.

I can well sympathize with those who have less than we have. Following the law that misery loves company, I Googled, “can’t afford christmas” and was moved by what I found. Divorces, cancer, lost jobs, hungry children, deaths; the stories abound. Our family has so much, really. We are happy and well-adjusted and every one of us is just crazy about and respects the other. Lynette and I have what we believe is about as perfect a marriage as can be found, despite all the challenges and prejudices we experience living as an out, same-sex couple in the buckle of the Bible Belt. Our kids don’t drink or smoke, or do drugs. Okay, we allow them to have a glass of wine on special occasions and that’s probably partly why they choose to live a substance-free adolescence. They don’t, by their own decision, dress like hoochie mamas and ganstas, and they don’t sleep around. They’re wonderful people; educated, articulate, cultured, polite and responsible. We have great friends, a lovely home, usually enough work and goals we’re building toward for the future. We are neither hopeless nor helpless.

As I read all of the hard luck stories this morning, I realized that not being able to afford expensive gifts was not the problem I initially thought it was. Gifts are a WANT, not a NEED. Yes, it will be a very lean Christmas and I’m feeling a bit Bob Cratchety here, because what we don’t have in material gifts we certainly make up for in blessings, not the least of which is that all of the kids will be home for the first time in six years!

So I will neither worry nor complain about not being able to afford Christmas this year. Instead, I’ll be grateful for all the things we do have–things that I believe most people would gladly trade all of their expensive gifts for, if they could.