"I wish I had more sense of humor sometimes,
keeping the sadness at bay,
throwing a lightness on these things
and laughing it all away."
I haven't been very funny lately, or even particularly interesting. I don't post often enough and when I do, it's usually only about writing. Riveting stuff, that. Right? Wrong. I apologize. I shall now attempt my death-defying, Brave Face trick and amaze you all! I don't want to talk about all that introspection crap. Tonight, I want to write about...
Last night I dreamed I lived in a beautiful geodesic dome made entirely of glass. It was night and I laid on a plush, red velvet sofa, looking up at the sky which was inky black and full of stars—more than I've ever seen before. I have no idea what the dream means. Well, I have an idea, but it really doesn't matter. What matters is that in the dream I was happy. Joyous, in fact. I felt all the possibilities and anticipation of a glorious future that I felt as a young person. Anything was possible. EVERYthing was possible!
When I awoke I was immediately pushed back down into depression and fear. I felt ill, in fact, and spent the entire day wishing I were anywhere than in the situation I'm in. But the dream kept revisiting me. It reminded me that it's there inside my mind: my private universe. I think I'll use it when I meditate. I'll imagine myself there, laying on that sofa and looking up at the stars. Maybe it can become my Happy Place.
It's time for my meds now. The nurse has brought the white jacket with the extra-long sleeves.
Lyric from People's Parties by Joni Mitchell.