Well, Crap

I knew it was too good to last. Last night as I sat working on my blog, I felt myself relapsing. Cough, cough, ah-choo! Damn. Then, this morning I woke up with what I call “crack-in-the-back”—one disintegrating disk and one that is already history. Needless to say, I’m feeling a bit cynical today, but in my usual quasi-humorous manner. When I’m like this, my favorite victim venue for fodder is television, especially the channels I actually like, HGTV and the Food Network.

For instance, let’s take the latter. Every once in a while they get a hair up their butt and have what’s called, “Cook With Your Kids Week.” Yeah, that’s what I always enjoy. A kitchen full of kids licking the Alfredo off of their fingers before sticking them back in for another taste. Or the one-gazillion dishes kids always use when they try to cook, or the flour bag that gets dumped onto the floor, and the exhaustion I feel after everything’s been eaten and I’m marooned in the kitchen to clean up the dishes, pots and pans, floor, counters and dining table whilst everyone else retreats sated and full to their computers, TVs, and My Little F*** Pony…

Cook with kids? I think I’ll pass. Sorry, Alton, but I’m tired of you celebrity chefs making me feel guilty during “Cook With Your Kids Week.” C’mon, be honest. Some of you really hate that week too, don’cha? I’ll bet the sound stage trash bins have more wine corks tossed in them during that week.