Peanut Rolling

I've made a new discovery. Or maybe it's a new determination, or both, and of course I'm going to tell you all about it.

I don't handle negativity very well. I can be happy as can be, smiling, enjoying my day-at-a-time existence, but the minute someone starts talking about how pissed off they or, or what's wrong with the world, or how bad they feel, I get sucked right into it.

The first clue is that I get angry. Not raving mad, but just unsettled in the little place that was happy before they opened their mouth. Something in me just sort of wilts and I start looking for ways to get away from them. If I can't do that, I simply tune them out, one of the Waller gene pool's many talents.

That's why, on Facebook, I've hidden people who post nothing but stuff about politics, religion, environmental concerns, veganism, etc. They're still on my friends list, but I don't have to see their constant ranting. I just can't handle it, even if it's flavored with enough positivity to make people think they're not actually being negative. This is also why several months ago I announced that I'd no longer make political or religious posts in Facebook, or comment on those of other people. And come on, it's just so much pontificating and preaching to the choir anyway, isn't it?

I understand social consciousness. I'm from the Sixties for crying out loud. But to tell the truth, I've had my fist up in the air for so long, my arm's about to fall off. I know the planet's in trouble. I know about the rising tide of corporate feudalism. I know that everyone has been thought of and treated unfairly in some part of the world, at some time in history. I know that Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, and others of their ilk are morons who are poisoning America. I know that Hitler was bad and I know that Marie Antoinette never said, "Let them eat cake". I know that Lynette and I are considered little more that second-class citizens to some people and that other people believe we deserve to die cruel, miserable deaths, and I know that the economy is the worst it's been since the Great Depression. I know all of this stuff, but I don't have to, nor will I, allow it to steal what little happiness I've been able to scrape up for myself, so leave me alone, alright? Quit pissing on my parade and understand that unless you have something nice to say, I really wish you'd just shut the hell up.

All this is not to say that an occasional conversation about what's wrong isn't okay. I just don't like it to be the only conversation. I've always hated talking politics and religion. That's why I didn't fit in very well into that part of the Sixties. While everyone else was chanting protest songs, there I was, singing Donovan ballads.

I've battled depression my entire life, but although I've gotten a pretty good handle on it, my daily life is a constant struggle with my own negative thoughts, fears, and worries. I work hard at it. I meditate and I always look for the good around me. When people start talking about what's wrong with the world it just triples my workload, which means that once they're gone, I have to start rolling that peanut uphill with my nose all over again. It's exhausting.

Look, the bottom line is that this stuff simply lessens my happiness. It makes me angry and opinionated and discontented, and I don't have so much life left to me that I want to spend it feeling like that. That's all. If you enjoy marching around with your fist in the air that's fine. Go for it. Just don't bring your parade up my street.


  1. I enjoyed this post a lot. I am like you, I take on the worlds troubles.

    Please excuse me for remarks and comments that I may have made which caused you to push a peanut up a hill with your nose while wearing roller skates!

    Let's practice the happiness habit! Thanks for the reminder.

  2. Keeping that balance can be a challenge at home when you're partnered with someone who enjoys discussing as well as debating history and politics as much as I do. Discussion and debate of the issues is how I keep my brain sharp and how I shape and hone my own ideas and thoughts about things. There is a difference between discussing issues, politics, and even negative things and constantly walking around with one's fist in the air. We all have our own ways of working through things and for many of us discussing them and bouncing our thoughts and ideas off of other people is the way we work towards a clearer understanding of the issues and the world around us, and isn't necessarily being negative. But I do understand what you struggle with and I try to be sensitive to it.

  3. I wasn't referring to you, Luv. I was talking about Facebook Negaholics.


  4. Yes, I understand about the FB negaholics. That does get old, and like you said, is preaching to the choir most of the time. The thing that I get most weary of is getting preached at over things for which I have no control. I do what I can, when I can, but with most things awareness and keeping myself informed and occasionally signing a petition and/or writing to my representatives is about all I can do. There are tons of issues out there and I have to choose my battles. I can't get involved in all of them. I don't have the time, energy, or desire!

  5. "....I've had my fist up in the air for so long, my arm's about to fall off!" - LOVE IT!!

  6. Ah, okay: I like Donovan.

    There. I said it.

    And if you think I had a guilty face and twitched a little and looked around kind of nervously when I said it, well, that's not how it happened at all.

  7. I've always loved Donovan--I saw him in concert four times and met him once.

  8. There is a lot wrong with the world, but I learned a long time ago that I can't do anything about most of it. Sometimes it gets the best of me, despite my good intentions, but eventually it settles out.

    For me it's not the big issues that overwhelm, its the little stuff.

    I have been considered a negative person all my life. I have even gotten a reputation as an unhappy negative person and lost friends because of their impression of who I am.

    The thing most people don't understand is that I am not a negative person, I am a realist! I see the possibilities, both bad and good. I feel that being realistic requires that you be aware of all the possibilities of things going wrong, so that you can be prepared and can avoid some of the pitfalls.

    I don't think that's being negative, I think that's smart!!

    Somedays I'd rather just be happy!

  9. So we're looking at the same half-filled glass, and you see the glass half-empty and I see the glass half-full. How is your negative perspective any more or less realistic than mine? Steph isn't talking about people who have genuinely realistic perspectives on life and the issues. She's talking about negaholics. Heck, I watched a six part documentary series this weekend on the history of Auschwitz and they interviewed SURVIVORS of that horrible experience who actually talked about the POSITIVE things that came out of their experience. The reality of that hell on earth also presented another reality--that beauty can even be found in hell if you look for it.

  10. I have "hidden" and even dis-friended some FB folks as well. I do what I can, when I freaking feel like it, or when I have the ability to do so. I get tired of being told what I should or should not be doing. Live and let live. Be happy, harm nothing with purpose, and take care of yourself. One cannot help anyone or anything else if they are walking around all broken and sad.
    Smile, dance and make funny faces in the mirror. HAHAHAHAH

  11. The first time I ever flew was on a trans-Atlantic flight to England. After leaving night behind, we sailed through a blue sky of brilliant sunlight and white fluffy clouds that lay so thick below us, I wanted to get out and walk around on them. It was gorgeous.

    Because I'd left California on a 97° September day, I figured the beautiful weather was everywhere, but as we made our spiraling descent into Gatwick Airport, we pierced the clouds and I was stunned to find that it was cold, grey, and rainy below.

    I think that we live down here at earth level so much that we forget the sun is up there, shining brightly. That that's the true reality. The clouds are just a condition, and if we raise our vision just a tiny bit, we can see above them at that reality. During tornado season I constantly remind myself that above the storm the sun is shining.

    Sure, I see poverty, war, hunger, abuse--all that, but I try to raise my consciousness so that I can see that life is beautiful, and a gift. That we are not these bodies that are made of earth and subject to earth's conditions--we are that which looks out through the eyes and knows that the sun is shining above the storm.

  12. I have known many people who justify their negativity by calling it realistic. It's a cop out BS justification. If you walk through life only bracing yourself for the worst, you will never be happy.

  13. ....of course I am also an outspoken ballsout biteme ifyadon'tlikeit biotch. :-)


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