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12.20.2009

The Rapture is Nigh!

Apparently, according to some people, the Rapture will take place sometime tomorrow, the 21st. I always wonder what these people will do with their crappy websites when their prophecies don't come true; I intend to check them out after midnight to find out...

Personally, I've been waiting for the Rapture for years. Perhaps when all of these radical fundamentals are out of here, we can get this planet back into shape and start enjoying life free from imposed feelings of guilt and paranoia. Maybe, even, our local liquor stores can start staying open after 9 pm. It's heady stuff, thinking about all of the things that would change here in the Bible Belt, and just imagine no more Fox news. If that isn't rapture I don't know what is.

It's amazing what people choose to believe, isn't it? Believing that millions of people around the world, both the living and the dead, will be caught up into the sky in plain sight of everyone is saner than believing the soul can enter life more than once?

I've also wondered how "Every eye shall see Him". When that was written the world was believed to be flat. Where, exactly, will Jesus make his approach? If it's over the U.S. (which the Fundies seem to believe), how will the people in China see him? Well, I guess that if Jesus can call up all those people, then he can work that little problem out. He must be very busy right now, making travel arrangements for all those people to come to his House for what will no doubt be the biggest birthday party that ever was.

On another note, I was a born-again for many years. Does this mean that I have to go? What if I don't want to go? How can I experience "rapture" if I'm being abducted against my will? My only regret about this Rapture thing is that, according to this picture, it looks like Betty and Veronica will be leaving us. I guess Archie and Jughead didn't make the grade. Funny, too how they're all white people under 30, and the girls all have big breasts.

No wonder this world is so fucked up. Look at what people believe!

20 comments :

  1. My guy also says 21 December (but has been wrong many times before) so I will wrap my Christmas presents.

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  2. Oh NO!!! No more Kurt Cameron! I don't know if I can stand it!

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  3. The power of belief is an incredible force that comes from within each of us. People are suggestible.

    "Holy" people in positions of power know this and have often had weird beliefs that they put on the town folk through fear mongering.

    Not much different than now where the people with all the money (pharma, insurance, bankers, corporations) all are attempting to spread fear through the media to keep people "in line." They don't want things to change; they'll lose money and power.

    People do what they are told, they take the least path of resistance. It's human nature. The only way it will change is if something shakes everyone at their core, then it will be a dawning of a New Age of Aquarius, just like the song predicts.

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  4. What!!! No black folk? I'm staging a protest. Where the hell's Rev. Al Sharpton!!!!!!!!!!!

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  5. These people are using the assumption that Barack Obama is the Antichrist to make their predictions! WTF?!

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  6. I always wonder what these people will do with their crappy websites when their prophecies don't come true;

    I was amused last year when I was looking up things that happened on my birthday through history and I came across "The Great Anticipation" in 1844 which was when a group of people believed and told everyone that the world would end on the 22nd of October. The 23rd was referred to as "The Great Disappointment."

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  7. If it happens, will we hear Ross Perot's "giant sucking sound"? A big holy "slurp!"? Just curious!

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  8. Six-and-a-half hours in and so far nothing. If it does happen today, over half my office would be taken out and I'd get to go home early. :D

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  9. The site says it'll be sometime before 11:47pm CST. Now that's precise!

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  10. But I didn't think there was any concept of time in Heaven. I mean "time" was invented by people. And what time zone is God in? And does God function on daylight saving time? What clock does God set his clock to?

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  11. He wears a model of Stonehenge on his wristband.

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  12. Okay, it's 2:35 p.m. CST and I'm still waiting for this thing to go down.

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  13. I guess we were....LEFT BEHIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AGHHHH!!!!

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  14. If the rapture really does happen, we get all their stuff. Hahahahahahahahaha!

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  15. Hey, I'll be the first in line to loot the local Hobby Lobby!

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  16. Hey, I'll be the first in line to loot the local Hobby Lobby!

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