Projecting Forward

I grew up in the country, in a little house on a cattle ranch in the Santa Ynez Valley, surrounded by pastures and hills that are dotted with Live Oak trees. In the background, the Refugio mountains rise, creating a truly beautiful landscape. It was a wonderful place to spend one's childhood because there was always something to do, someplace to explore. I followed cattle trails, played in the creek, slid down the hills on cardboard and spent long, leisurely afternoons lying in the tall grass, making pictures in the clouds.

During the summer before my senior year of high school, my family moved to the typical suburban bedroom community of Camarillo an hour northwest of Los Angeles, and that's basically where I stayed for the next three decades. The idea of living in L.A. was too daunting, so I never strayed very far from Ventura, a small beach city where the countryside is a few minutes away by car. Meanwhile, I dreamed of returning to a more rural area (either Ojai, California or some small town in Colorado), where I'd have a Victorian house with a wrap-around porch and a couple of acres.

Now that I've lived in Stillwater for seven years, I realize that small town life -- or even country life -- is not for me. Where I once saw myself sitting in a porch swing playing my guitar in the summer dusk, I now see myself on a balcony overlooking a city street, my favorite cafe just a short walk away. I love the idea of going to the street market for our produce and walking our dog in the park.

When I project myself into the future and see myself as an elderly person, it is the city that gives me comfort, not the isolation of the country. Through my life journey, I've learned that I am a social creature and need the stimulus of meeting new people and learning new things. When I envision grandchildren and visiting family, it is a city apartment that I see, and when I think about my death and burial, it is the city that I am drawn to.

I never want to stop learning and growing and although I tip my hat to the kind of personal evolution that can be attained through communing with nature, I believe that I've already completed that phase. Now, I want to walk city streets, explore museums and hold musical soirees in my home, growing older while surrounded by stimulating and interesting people.