Pages

5.14.2009

Things I Want, Damn It!

I'm not a material person. Not by a long shot. My parents struggled financially their entire lives, and as a single parent at 18, I learned early on to differentiate between wants and needs. A lot of things young people like to spend money on had to be passed by so that I could buy food and pay the bills. I didn't go to the movies, I didn't buy clothes and shoes, and I didn't throw money around on the latest "cool" trends. Every extra dime went into a savings account that built up until Christmas. I put myself through school while working two jobs, and I cleaned my parents' house once a week for a few extra bucks. Putting everyone else first quickly became a way of life, and I'm still living under that burden nearly 40 years later.

Later, it was my parents. When I moved to Denver to take care of my father, I gave up my career as a composer/conductor, and when my mother moved in with us in 2000, I lost my credit rating because she was so in debt, and had huge prescription bills. Well, there are things I want, damn it. Things that some people take for granted. Here's my "selfish" wish list:

a home here in Stillwater, Oklahoma.
Not a 2.5 million-dollar house in California,
or even an apartment in Vienna.

a Takamine 12-String

a full pantry

A dog

a Siberian

a Bose Lifestyle 18 sound system

a wide-screen TV

a Jeep Wrangler

a birthday present for Nettl and each of the kids.
I'm tired of saying, "Next year, I promise."

to go out to dinner once in a while.
On May 25th Nettl and I will be celebrating
the 8th anniversary of our Holy Union. We have
yet to go out for dinner for our anniversary,
much less take a weekend away for it.
For us, going out to dinner --for any occasion--
usually means we can drive through a fast food.

Granted, most of these things aren't necessary, but that's the point, damn it.

4 comments :

  1. I can relate somewhat to this, Steph. Like you, I ended up having to support my mother and give up a life of my own. I won't go into all the details but for various reasons with my mom, I was crippled for so many years. Now I'm ready to have my life, my own little house and live in a place I choose to live in (rather than one I'm stuck in out of financial circumstances). So I'm at the point, but to finally bring it all into fruition, I need a job. And so what happens to the job market? I rest my case. But I'm going to look at this as just a brief holding pattern because I'll be damned if I will let government and other scum block this final dream of mine! A chance to live MY LIFE, not someone else's! I will fight this situation! I - you - we - WILL PREVAIL!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think we've just been too nice. We don't like conflict or making waves. We're people pleasers to our own demise.

    Well dammit, I'm DONE with that. From now on my needs and wants will be voiced, and if necessary, forcefully. Compliance has gotten me nothing but overlooked, ignored, and trod upon. No more Ms. Nice Guy. :P

    ReplyDelete
  3. And I want a f**king car that does what I tell it to do--locks when I tell it to lock. Unlocks when I tell it to unlock and doesn't f**king yell at me when I try to get in it!

    I'm really getting pissed off with this damn "Christine" car!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think we've just been too nice. We don't like conflict or making waves. We're people pleasers to our own demise.

    Well dammit, I'm DONE with that. From now on my needs and wants will be voiced, and if necessary, forcefully. Compliance has gotten me nothing but overlooked, ignored, and trod upon. No more Ms. Nice Guy. :P

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.