What, No Relish?

“Simply a hot dog” with mustard on a roll. It’s not surprising that the wife of our late president, Franklin D. Roosevelt, should have served this popular American sandwich at their Hyde Park picnic for the King and Queen of England. It’s her favorite for all her picnics...

I’m devastated. And to think that for my entire life Eleanor Roosevelt has been my favorite woman in history, barely beating Helen Keller. What’s disturbing about this is not that, according to this vintage ad, she liked hot dogs. I don’t even care that she served them to British royalty, although one has to wonder what His and Her Majesties did about that. I’ll bet they ate it with a knife and fork. What I can’t get over is that Mrs. Roosevelt’s favorite hot dog meal lacked so much vision, creativity, personality, panache! No relish, no chili, no kraut… my dreams are shattered. And as if all that isn’t enough, she even served them on yellow Dixie paper plates with what appears to be stringy guacamole and black and green olives. I hope that green mess isn’t supposed to be coleslaw with cheese on it. That would destroy me entirely.