Joy Riders

25 Things I Like & Dislike About Living in Oklahoma

Some of you may not know that I’m a native Californian. I’ve spent most of my life there, although I’ve also lived in other places, including England and Colorado. I love California and I love Colorado, and I’ve had a difficult time the past twelve years deciding in which state I really wanted to plant roots. That dilemma was resolved for me when I met Nettl in 1999, who was working toward her masters degree at Oklahoma State University in Stillwater. This is her home town and it was easier for me to move here than for her to transfer. At that time, her ex lived in OK and had her kids, and I wasn’t about to come between them and their mother. I’ve always had a little gypsy in me anyway, so I welcomed the opportunity to try new ground and meet new people.

At first I went through some major culture shock. Stillwater is a small city when school is in session and becomes a small town when summer hits. Most of the population clears out. I grew up in a small town so that was no big deal. I admit most of the problem was me and a certain prejudice I possessed about “Okies.” For a long time I was even ashamed of my zip code, I’m ashamed to say, but with the passage of four years I’ve come to really like living here. Now we’re getting a new house and I’m looking forward to raising our family here. Some time ago a friend kidded me about living in Oklahoma and I said, “Well, when you have the love of your life and are really happy, all that outside your window can be anywhere. It doesn’t really matter.”

I still feel that way.

I admit that sometimes I wish there was an ocean around, or some mountains—Oklahoma has no ‘Big Event’ like California or Colorado—but that passes quickly when I remember the crime, over-population and expense that go along with those locales.

Here is a list the 25 things I like and dislike about living here:

I LIKE:

• Red earth
• Lush greenery
• Redbud and pear trees that bloom in Spring
• Friendliness of the people
• Red brick Georgian and Tudor houses
• Cardinals that wake me up in the morning
• Ever-changing weather
• Orange, pink and blue sunsets
• Harvest moon
• Open fields that look like parkland
• Arlo Guthrie
• Wineries that are cropping up
• Cost of living is really inexpensive
• Red brick streets
• Tulsa Opera
• Tulsa
• Architecture at OSU
• Brown’s Bottle Shop
• Native American culture
• Reba McIntire
• Garth Brooks
• Last time a tornado hit Stillwater was in 1977, and did very little damage
• Focus and dedication to the Arts
• Lack of pretension
• Sitting on the front porch on Summer evenings, watching fireflies and feeling perfectly safe

I DISLIKE:

• Tornadoes
• Born-Again arrogance
• 150 ft. crosses along the Interstate
• Road kill
• Pick-up trucks with gun racks
• Wind
• Tornadoes
• No mountains or an ocean lying to the west
• Toll booths
• No Jack-in-the-Box drive-thrus
• Mullets and white undershirts (called “wifebeaters” - Gack!)
• Hobby Lobby plays Christian muzak
• Did I mention the tornadoes?
• Wal*Mart
• State is the most economically depressed in the country
• Being called an “Okie” (where I’m from, that’s a put-down)
• People who’ve never left the state insult and distrust people from the outside, especially Californians
• People who’ve never been here think it’s a barren dustbowl of Springer Trash
• Can’t garden like I did in California, where everything blooms year-round
• Really bad grammar
• “Jesus died to save your sins” signs all over the place
• 2 Classical radio stations, 3 Classic Rock stations, 5 Top 40 stations, 75 Country stations and 50 Christian stations
• 3.2 beer
• “Dry State” blue laws
• Rampant homophobia and ultra-conservatism

EATymology 101

I don’t remember the last time I was as hungover as I am today.

Wait. Yes, I do. It was about two, maybe three years ago, up at Ville’s house. Nettl has been very sweet to me, bringing me Zantac, food, and understanding, but behind her tender expression is that look that says, “You igmo! Why did you do this to yourself?”

As I write this, she’s downstairs making what I call, Church Lady Fried Chicken. Anyone who grew up Baptist knows that church ladies make the best fried chicken in the world. Bugger Colonel Sanders! Even Alton Brown will tell you this. Making chicken in this manner is a herculean feat. It requires cutting the chickens yourself, double-dunking in buttermilk, flour—who knows what all—and then standing over the traditional electric skillets for a couple of hours. And that doesn’t even include the making of cole slaw, mashed potatoes (we use only real potatoes, none of that Insta-Spud crap), biscuits, gravy, etc. Oh, and Nettl was a church lady the entire 18 years she was married to a Baptist minister… Boy, how things change!

Well, I just heard, “Guys, this is ready!”

It's a Dog's Life

Nettl is home from work today with a cold and is napping on the sofa with the telly on. Our bedroom (where my desk is located) is upstairs, with a loft window that overlooks the stairs and living room below. I was just working on my latest installment about Frank while a news anchor on MSNBC covered the appalling situation concerning the POW photos. I don’t like politics. I’ll be up front about that. But what I heard next was just too much. As soon as the anchor finished the POW story, she went on, in the usual Talking Head perky voice, to tell another story. It goes something like this:

After witnessing the stubborn and independent nature of Luci (an Iraqi dog), due to her rough upbringing in Baghdad, it was decided that Luci’s puppy, Melissa, would be a wise selection as a squadron mascot. Luci was left without a family when an Army unit left Baghdad. This presented a certain general with the perfect opportunity to assume responsibility for the dog and her one surviving puppy from a litter of five.

Punch me if I’m wrong, but does anyone else see a major problem here? We can abuse, humiliate, and brutalize Iraqi POWs in their own country, but damn, we’re all heart when it comes to a homeless dog. Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love dogs. And puppies, well, who can’t love them? My idea of heaven is lying back on the green grass of a park while a dozen puppies crawl all over me, licking my face. But come on. Who was directing this broadcast? I can almost imagine the early morning conference over coffee and donuts:

“Ok people. This mess with the POWs is bringing in all kinds of ratings, but people are getting pissed off about it. In fact, it’s changing the nation’s opinion of our government leaders and the war. And now that we’ve learned there are thousands of these disgusting photos, we have to lighten things up. Tell you what. Let’s follow the lead story with the puppy story. That way, our viewers can feel all warm and fuzzy after they’ve puked their guts out over the POW photos.”

A leash on a dog, a leash on a human. I’m sorry Luci had such a rough upbringing, but let’s put things into perspective.