Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Making Faces

I'm trying to get sleepy, so I started dinking around with free avatar makers.

A caricature utility. Kind of fun and really individualistic.

A little too weird for my taste.

Not so bad, really, but definitely geared for the young.

Cool!

For those who fantasize about being forever 12.

Meh.

Definitely my favorite.

An oldie but a goody.

Because I in no way relate to women of that era, I decided to first make myself a male,
but I came out looking like freakin' Austin Powers!

So I tried the female.
Uh-uh.

Have fun making your own!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Simple Things

Last evening I decided to brave it. Just go outside and sit on the front porch, mosquitoes and all. It was dusk and the fireflies had started to come out in force. It was warm, but not as hot as it has been lately. A balmy 86 or something like that.

So I poured some wine, got my MP3 player, and slathered myself with mosquito repellent. I always wonder about that stuff. I mean, if it's meant to ward off one of planet Earth's most hated creatures, then how can it be safe to wear on your skin? I've tried the bracelets though, and they don't do anything; mosquitoes tend to go for my feet and ankles for some odd reason. One year I wore a bracelet on each wrist and each ankle. Still didn't work.

I lit the citronella candles and the mosquito lantern, and relaxed while the cat sat on the top step and joined me in the great sport of watching the world go by.

We saw a fox cross the street and run down the sidewalk. We saw a jerk drive across his neighbor's lawn so that he could park in front of his own house rather than in his driveway. We saw people on bicycles, people walking dogs, kids walking to the nearby Walgreen's and coming back with toilet paper. Just neighborhood life.

I listened to Joni Mitchell, Leonard Cohen, and some of Donovan's jazz-inspired psychedelia like Bert's Blues. I wished I was a painter so that I could accurately portray our street, with its old cottages nestled in the trees, their gentle front porch lights, and their windows gold behind old-fashioned pull-down shades. Everything was amber and black, dotted with the lights from hundreds of fireflies. I watched one flying around in the top of the huge tree across the street. I didn't know they flew that high; they're usually nearer to the ground. I watched a star slide slowly down until it went behind a roof. I thought about things. I felt things. I watched the movie in my head and didn't try to direct it. I just watched. When I came indoors, I felt a nice little peace of mind and I went to bed early and slept soundly.

Enjoying ones life is about gratitude. Gratitude for what one has, not what one doesn't have, and wants. Peace of mind grows from enjoying the small things first, and I believe that when we can do that, we attract the larger things. It's a philosophy I've been working hard to achieve over the years; last night I finally figured out that there's no work to it. All it takes is surrendering to life, to the fireflies, the stars, and the world going by.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Aging Has No Mercy

I wonder when, exactly, did I started looking like Bill Wyman?

Saturday, June 26, 2010

A Sense of What's Important

Two and a half years ago I had a little series here that I called, Why I Love Ventura. If you remember, I claim Ventura, California as my hometown and I'd be living there now, if I could. In that series was a blog post about Two Trees, a beloved landmark.

It seems the Ventura riviera--and Two Trees--has survived yet another fire. Apparently, four teen boys were hiking from a nearby park beneath the trees yesterday (Friday) afternoon when they saw a lighter, which one of them picked up and lit "to see if it worked". How this turned into a wildfire I'm not sure, but the boys said they stomped on the blaze, but were unable to put it out, so they called 911.

But the purpose of this post is not to point a finger or try to find someone to blame. The authorities filed it as "non-malicious", so that's good enough for me. The purpose of this entry is to commend the fire fighters who stationed themselves in front of the trees in order to protect them. Good show, guys!

Click here to read the full story and to see more pictures.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Mow & Go, Didn't Even Blow

I swear this is about the caliber of gardeners our landlord hired this spring. Because of all the rain in the past two weeks, our lawn (I won't call it grass because it's mostly Bermuda grass and weeds) got pretty tall. This morning the "gardeners" came out and mowed. So far, they haven't blown, raked, edged, or anything and there are large clumps of stuff everywhere, including our front walk and steps. I'm hoping they're taking a lunch break and will be back. If not, I'll be raking and bagging this weekend. Not exactly good for my back and not exactly what we pay for when we drop the rent check off every month.

But I hate to complain today; I feel really good and Nettl will be home tomorrow on her Birthday Eve.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Green As a Gourd

All this week I've been waking up, as my mom used to say, "as green as a gourd". She was the Queen of Colloquialisms. "As cold as a frog", "as nervous as a pregnant nun in church" -- I grew up with this shit and I try really hard not to accidentally slip into using it.

Anyway, I wake up with a nausea that lasts several hours, or until I take a Tagamet. I know what you're thinking. No, it isn't morning sickness. I only wish it were. I could sue a couple of doctors, claim the Immaculate Conception, and make a phone call to the National Enquirer. Are they still in business?

I probably have malaria, or West Nile, or something. In the evenings, when I dare to venture out to water the plants on the front porch, I get bitten by at least four mosquitoes. Due to all of the rain, they're especially bad this year. I've tried different things: the bracelets don't work, I hate the idea of slathering my skin with pesticides, and although those little clip-on fan things work, they're damned expensive, and they only work for a few hours. I read somewhere online (which makes it absolutely true, you know) that I'm especially attractive to mosquitoes because the Hashimoto's creates more collagen in the blood or something like that. And I get seriously bad bites. I won't go into that though. Not when I'm feeling like this. They even bite me through my clothes. Levis! How the hell do they do that?

It's sad, really, and totally unfair. When evening comes around it's beautiful outside. The dusk is full of fireflies,  it's warm, neighbors sit on their porches, people walking their dogs go by, and I have to stay indoors. I wait all year to enjoy the porch. I fill it with flowers and green plants, wind chimes and bird feeders, then I'm forced to sit in the house.

I dreamed last night that I was in England of the early 1900s. A woman was on horseback and trying to find her lover, who was leaving on a coach. When she realized the coach had already left without her being able to say goodbye, she plunged a knife into her horse's neck and left. I felt so badly for the horse that I sat with it, crying as it died.

Any ideas?

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Warning! Dangerous Substance On Board!

A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide." And for plenty of good reasons, since it:

1. can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. is a major component in acid rain
3. can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
accidental inhalation can kill you
4. contributes to erosion
5. decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
6. has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients

He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.

43 said yes, 6 were undecided, and only 1 knew that the chemical was...

...water.

The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?"

He felt the conclusion was obvious.

I quit listening to all of the scare tactics where toxins are concerned back in the late 70s, when one study announced that mother's breast milk can cause cancer. That was it for me. I finally came to the conclusion that none of us get out alive anyway--might as well live till we die.

(Harvested from some site I found while Stumbling. Can't remember where.)

Monday, June 21, 2010

Monday To-Do List


And this is why...
Yesterday I made way too much lasagna, so I invited Jacey
and Kyle over. Jacey is Sicilian, so it was a logical choice.
Plus, they're great fun.

After dinner, we sat around talking and laughing, and
listening to music. I played along on my guitar.

Jacey drank out of my specialty stein that has been seasoning
for almost 25 years. Made of a special combination of metals,
it makes even cheap-ass beer taste good.

Then this came out... (no, not my bottleneck slide, the absinthe)

And weirdness set in. It was a lot of fun and, even after sending some
home with Jacey and Kyle, we still have enough lasagna to feed an army.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Slide-and-Click

When you're replacing a memory stick in your computer, there's a satisfying little slide-and-click sound that lets you know you not only did it right, you also got the right part. Writing is like that.

When I began this trilogy I really didn't think about all the research it would require. I was a musician through those three decades after all--I was an expert, right? Wrong. Despite the obvious problem of being a southern Californian writing about London and the English youth during the Sixties, Seventies and Eighties, there were other issues that came to light as I began telling the story.

I was a professional musician, but I performed Folk and MOR, not R&B. Sure, I had a blues band in the early Eighties, but that wasn't my background. My influences were the Beatles, Donovan, Joni Mitchell and Billy Joel, not Alexis Korner, Robert Johnson and Muddy Waters. I knew I had to go back to the Sixties and start over, forgetting nearly everything I thought I knew.

When I wrote Night Music, an historical fiction set in the late Eighteenth century, I did a lot of heavy research, but it didn't require half as much as this trilogy demands. I wasn't having to worry about people from that time still being alive to say, "It wasn't like that". All I had was researchers and historians, but really, that eventually boils down to just so much your-research-against-mine. This project is different. I keep playing a particular scenario in my mind: Eric Clapton reading it. What would he say? Would he scowl at me and say, "This couldn't have fooking happened like that," or would he smile and say, "You sure you weren't there?"


Nettl told me this afternoon about how Margaret Mitchell said the research was the hardest part of writing Gone With The Wind because there were still people alive who'd experienced the Civil War both as civilians and soldiers. Her greatest fear was that some old general would come back on her, saying, "It didn't happen like that". Instead, what she heard was just the opposite. It's nice to know that I share great company.


Every.Little.Thing must be researched, from the songs that were performed on Top Of The Pops in a particular week all the way down to what brand of cigarette Gordon keeps in his stash drawer. From who played at the Bag O' Nails on a particular Wednesday night in the spring of 1967 to how long the sideburns were. Names of boutiques in Carnaby street and names of club owners. What was on the menu at the Scotch of St. James and what kind of acid was in vogue. And I can't say that Keith Richards was at a party at Gordon's house if the Stones were on tour. It doesn't matter if I actually use this stuff, I have to know it. Most of it I do use.

The last time I saw Mozart's The Magic Flute (Nettl bought a CD of a Glyndebourne performance), I was also dinking around on my laptop. About halfway through the first act I realized that I understood most of what the cast was singing in German. I haven't studied German, but I guess I've learned enough through the years to have this happen. The same thing happened to me yesterday while watching a documentary about Cream, only it wasn't a language issue. I understood what the musicians were talking about. When they mentioned a blues club in Manchester, I knew they meant the Twisted Wheel. When they showed a photo of the band on a nightclub stage that looked kind of like a circus tent, I knew that it was taken in the Marquee Club. When they talked about the pitifully poor money bands made in those days, I understood why and I knew who beat the system by demanding they own their own masters and copyrights. My little memory stick slid-and-clicked perfectly into place.

I admit I'm funny about research. Although I hate bad writing, I absolutely detest shoddy, lazy research, and I'll mentally slice a writer to ribbons if they're guilty of it, I don't care how many books they've sold or how many fans they have. The thing is though, despite how hard I am on others, I'm a hundred times harder on myself, and when the slide-and-click happens, it's an awesome feeling.

My Dad's Day

4 years: My Daddy can do anything.
7 years: My Dad knows a lot, a whole lot.
8 years: My Father doesn’t know quite everything.
12 years: Oh, well, naturally Father doesn’t know that either.
14 years: Dad? Hopelessly old-fashioned.
21 years: Oh, that man is out of date. What did you expect?
25 years: He knows a little about it, but not much.
30 years: Maybe we ought to find out what Dad thinks.
35 years: A little patience. Let’s get Dad’s assessment before we do anything.
50 years: I wonder what Dad would have thought about that. He was pretty smart.
60 years: My Dad knew absolutely everything!
65 years: I’d give anything if Dad were here so I could talk this over with him. I really miss that man.

A repost from 2004. This was the last picture taken of my dad before he got cancer. I miss you so much, Dad.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Going In

When RW wrote last week that he'd experienced a breakthrough in his writing, I was both happy for him and a  bit envious, albeit in a healthy way. Good for him! I love hearing about writers who scratch and dig until they find their voice, or whatever it is they've been unable to grasp. It just didn't seem like it was going to happen to me anytime soon. I had no idea how close I was my own epiphany though.

I wouldn't call it a classic breakthrough that I experienced last night, the kind that brings to mind pictures of the sun piercing storm clouds over an unsettled ocean. This was a deep plumbing of my unconscious, an opening of an inner eye, the eye through which writers view the mundane world and set it to prose, helping the reader see beneath the illusory fog of every day life. All artists have this eye and through their work they struggle to reveal what they see through the filter of their unconscious.

Several years ago I was in an online history group in which I portrayed Mozart. A woman who had taken on the role of Helen Keller asked me--as Mozart--to describe music to her. I told her to imagine walking along a country road that followed a stone wall. I told her to run her fingers along that wall. The unevenness of the height, the dips and valleys created by the stones, I explained, was the melody while the stones, as they lay upon each other in a perfect fit was the harmony of them working together to form the structure. Although Helen Keller could neither see nor hear, she could experience dimension, and that's how I appealed to her question. There is no art that is not like that in some fashion and when we paint a painting, compose a symphony, or write a story, we are asking the viewer/audience/reader to go within themselves to touch our essence dimensionally.

I could write this trilogy in a way that will tell you an entertaining story about some memorable characters while sharing some of what I've learned about the music business throughout my life. Or I could take you inside those characters, let you see their flaws and fears and hopes--into the tunnel of their unconscious--until you realize that I have been revealing my own all along. One way of writing demands only time, a solid knowledge of grammar, vocabulary, style and a reasonable grasp of the language. The other demands deep introspection, facing my inner landscape and bringing out things that I have long thought were put to bed. Personally, I'm glad I did LSD, mushrooms and peyote in my youth and I'm glad I did Ecstasy in the 80s. Because of them my inner realms are no more frightening to me than they are uncharted. It was the voice I used to write my fifty-odd journals; all I need do now is to make that voice public. It makes me ultimately vulnerable, but the work of a writer who will not explore their vulnerability is superficial at best.

     He had named the second-hand Stratocaster Roxanne after Rostand’s character in Cyrano de Bergerac because she had seemed so unattainable to him. Every day as he stood gazing at her through the window, his heart beat wildly in his chest as his fingers longed to caress her. He could only imagine what her voice sounded like, but his instincts told him she was unique. Finally, he removed the seven checks that he’d pinned to his wall each payday, cashed them, and took the money to the shop at the end of the high street. He took her home. 
     He took his time getting to know her. He didn't force her. He let her reveal herself to him little by little. He wondered how she had gotten the scar that lay along the length of her long, slender neck and why her veneer had started to peel on one side of her face. Smaller dents and nicks only slightly marred her beauty and, alone in his room each night, after the day’s work was over and the house was quiet, he gently oiled and massaged her wounds, tenderly rubbing out the scars and the scratches. He knew that restoring her was necessary before she could submit to his touch and sing for him. She had to trust him just as he had to trust her. And as he played her, he sang to her softly, intimately, and she offered herself to him, creating a perfect union.

This is the new rough draft of a particular passage at the beginning of Book One. It will probably change a hundred ways before it sees print.


Painting: Mythical Alignment by Richard Harper

Friday, June 18, 2010

"Do, or Do Not. There is No Try"

Sometimes it takes a herculean effort just to care. Sometimes nothing works until utter boredom with myself sets in and I grasp at ropes of sheer determination and begin to pull myself out of the quicksand in which I've plunged myself.

Boredom has always been the enemy to avoid at all costs. In my younger, smugger years I used to say, "I'm never bored--there are so many things to do and learn. If you're bored, you're probably boring." I attributed boredom to a lazy mind, the plague of people who are not enlightened, nor who care to improve themselves. It was a weakness of character. In the past five years I've eaten those words so many times, I can even tell you which wine helps them go down the easiest.

After a full week of doing nothing, of having my ass planted on the bed, I awoke this morning completely bored with myself and my life. I have come to the conclusion that I seriously need to change something. I need to buckle down and write, to be firm with myself, especially when writing is the last thing I feel like doing. No more excuses. I feel like Luke Skywalker who can't seem to raise that damned X-Wing out of the swamp.

"Do, or do not.
There is no try."
Yoda

So I've decided not even to ask myself if I feel like writing. Chronic fatigue is a bitch, but it will not sap my blood and steal from me the time that I have left in this life. I'd rather storm out exhausted, having done what I set out to do than sink slowly, lugubriously, passively, without a fight. This will be a writing weekend. Nothing else matters, because it if I give into the quicksand it will pull me down to a point of no return.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Blackouts, Fireflies, Orbs & El Chupacabra

Last night at about 10:00 the lights started flickering, then they went off altogether. No big deal. We lit our candles (we have tons of them all over the house), opened the doors (it's hot and humid here, and with no AC life is hell), and poured some wine. Then we went out onto the front porch, where we sat talking and having a good time, making jokes about El Chupacabra while watching the fireflies, as well as the show of lightening.



It was raining, but it fell straight and gentle, so the porch was dry. It was dark everywhere, and I found out later that the lights were off in certain areas all over town. The guys in these two pic are my sons, Joel and Micah.






Here's pic I took of our neighborhood during the two-hour blackout. I expected to see a lot of darkness. What I did not expect to see was a lot of orbs and odd little white specks.






No, they're not on the lens, because I took an identical pic seconds later and their positions had changed. Make of it what you will. The jury is still out where I'm concerned. If nothing else, these pix show how dark it was.

If you've been watching the news, you know that this state has been having real flooding problems in the past couple of days. Fortunately, all this has resulted in for us is a driveway with some gravel and twig debris, which I'll sweep and wash away once my lower back is working again. I have DDD, you see. I've spent the past three days unable to move much, and in a lot of pain. It's better today, so I think the inflammation is down.

Our cat didn't much appreciate having her night vision jarred by my flash.


I did rescue a firefly that had gotten caught in a web, mere seconds before the spider would have gotten to it. It had a lot of web on it, so I don't know if it survived.

Today, the storms have passed, and it's sunny. We have a beautiful blue sky and everything is green and blossoming, thanks to the rain. It's been a wild Spring!


Friday, June 11, 2010

Trippin' Back

When I write I have to have music playing, music that sets the mood for the time and place in which whatever I'm writing is situated. Lately, that has been London from 1966 to 1971. Exciting time and place to be! Through my research and my growing understanding of the era in general I've come to realize that the Sixties that took place in England was entirely different from the Sixties I experienced here in the States. In the same breath I'll even venture to say that there was a world of difference between the east and west coasts of America as well. I won't go into this here because it's covered in my book.

To help aid my writing I created a playlist on my MP3 player. I in fact have a playlist for each book in the trilogy. Here's the one for Book One:
  1. 3/5 of a Mile in 10 Seconds - Jefferson Airplane
  2. 4 and 20 - Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
  3. Tuesday Afternoon - Moody Blues
  4. All I Really Want to Do - Byrds
  5. Almost Cut My Hair - Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
  6. Are You Experienced - Jimi Hendrix Experience
  7. Backstreet Girl - Rolling Stones
  8. Blue Feeling - Animals
  9. Boom Boom - Animals
  10. Born Under a Bad Sign - Cream
  11. Celeste - Donovan
  12. Comin' Back to Me - Jefferson Airplane
  13. Dimples - Animals
  14. Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood - Animals
  15. Embryonic Journey - Jefferson Airplane
  16. Ferris Wheel - Donovan
  17. Fire - Jimi Hendrix Experience
  18. Foxey Lady - Jimi Hendrix Experience
  19. Guinevere - Donovan
  20. Hello Goodbye - Beatles
  21. Hey Joe - Jimi Hendrix Experience
  22. The House of the Rising Sun - Animals
  23. I Am the Walrus - Beatles
  24. I Knew I'd Want You - Byrds
  25. I'll Feel a Whole Lot Better - Byrds
  26. It's My Life - Animals
  27. Just Like A WOman - Bob Dylan
  28. Lady Jane - Rolling Stones
  29. Leopard Skin Pillbox Hat - Bob Dylan
  30. Love Minus Zero/No Limit - Bob Dylan
  31. Lubricated Love Affair - Ernie Joseph
  32. Magical Mystery Tour - Beatles
  33. Mellow Yellow - Donovan
  34. Mother's Little Helper - Rolling Stones
  35. Mr. Tambourine Man - Byrds
  36. Nights in White Satin - Moody Blues
  37. Outside Woman Blues - Cream
  38. Penny Lane - Beatles
  39. Plastic Fantastic Lover - Jefferson Airplane
  40. Purple Haze - Jimi Hendrix
  41. Ruby Tuesday - Rolling Stones
  42. Season of the Witch - Donovan
  43. She Belongs to Me - Bob Dylan
  44. Somebody to Love - Jefferson Airplane
  45. St. James Infirmary - Ernie Joseph
  46. Strange Brew - Cream
  47. Strawberry Fields Forever - Beatles
  48. Sunny South Kensington - Donovan
  49. Sunshine of Your Love - Cream
  50. Sunshine Superman - Donovan
  51. Take it Back - Cream
  52. The Wind Cries Mary - Jimi Hendrix
  53. Thru the Fields - Ernie Joseph
  54. Today - Jefferson Airplane
  55. The Trip -Donovan
  56. Visions of Johanna - Bob Dylan
  57. We Gotta Get Out of This Place - Animals
  58. White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane
  59. White Room - Cream
  60. Wooden Ships - Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
I'd like to add to this list. Any suggestions?

Solitude

So many stones have been thrown at me,
That I'm not frightened of them anymore,
And the pit has become a solid tower,
Tall among tall towers.
I thank the builders,
May care and sadness pass them by.
From here I'll see the sunrise earlier,
Here the sun's last ray rejoices.
And into the windows of my room
The northern breezes often fly.
And from my hand a dove eats grains of wheat...
As for my unfinished page,
The Muse's tawny hand, divinely calm
And delicate, will finish it.

by Anna Akhmatova
(11 June 1889 – 5 March 1966)

Thursday, June 10, 2010

The Time, it is Today

I think, every now-and-again it's good to stop everything and just relax. And I think, for me, today is as good as any day to do that. So that's what I'm doing. I'm not even going to get dressed. I'm staying in my ducky loungers and sitting on my ass-eating bed all day.

Last week I bought a pillow top for our already divinely comfortable bed. It's fiber-filled instead of feather (allergy issues), but it's even more comfortable than I could have imagined. I found it at Ross, so the price was even more comfortable. As soon as she sat on it Nettl dubbed it "the ass-eating bed". And it is, and it's where I'm planted today.

Outside, it's a quietly gray day, with light rain in the forecast. That's nice. Inside, the house is quiet, kind of dark (due to the weather), and conducive to relaxation. And I feel like writing. Not industrious, get-so-many-pages-done kind of writing, just writing. Relaxed writing.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

It's a Two Organ Wednesday

Seems like the only place I've spent any real time this past year or so, besides home, is at the hospital. And all of these visits have been for people who are significantly younger than I am: Ville's been in twice... three times... I've lost count, Joel twice and Nettl once. For several days. Today, Ville is going in for an angiogram. On her birthday.

An angiogram to be performed on a woman who's turning only 43 today. Needless to say, I'm not happy. I told her this isn't acceptable, but I'm not sure she listened to me.

If they find anything in there, they'll perform an angioplasty and keep her overnight, so I'll be at the hospital most of the day, drinking bad coffee out of styrofoam and sending reports to Facebook via my cell phone.

I met her at Hobby Lobby yesterday, where she wanted to get some things for her garden. Before we went to the checkout I told her that for her birthday she could pick out something she wanted. She decided on a metal obelisque-shaped trellis with stained glass suns set into the top.

Meantime, I made a weird discovery last night. I watched a 2000 movie, Almost Famous, on YouTube, and one of the main characters is the lead guitarist in a 60s-70s rock band. His name is Russell Hammond... And can you believe the band's name? Stillwater. Despite this, I absolutely loved the movie and am going to order it. It depicts life on the road in that era pretty well... with a few "cute" liberties. I mean, it's not C***sucker Blues, but then, aren't we glad?

I'm not sure what to do with this. Do I change Gordon's last name? I don't want to, because there's the ongoing joke about Noel calling him "Organ Man", a joke that carries to the vary last paragraph of the entire trilogy. Shit, I hate this. I tried thinking of another organ name, but can't find it in my heart to rename him Gordon Roland or Gordon Hofrichter. The joke would be too obscure. And Gordon Wurlitzer is right out. No, I'll keep Hammond and risk people saying I was vainly using names from the film to put myself in there. Kind of like when directors do walk-ons in their own films. Stillwater, of all names... And Russell Hammond even kind of reminded me of Gordon in looks and personality. Crap.

Well, Happy Birthday Ville. I love you. For your birthday I hope you come out feeling ten years younger!

Monday, June 7, 2010

Swimming Upstream

Sometimes, writing this trilogy feels like I'm swimming upstream. Although the current beats against me I just keep at it and when I meet with distractions I wiggle past them as quickly as I can. And some of those have lately had, in the words of Tim the Enchanter, "Sharp, pointy teeth."

I'm spoiled, I guess. I'm used to music and words just flowing out of me free and unfettered, but that's not happening anymore, and I'm not enjoying this as much as I feel that I should. Both composing and writing used to be so much... fun. But this? This is hard labor.

At first I attributed it to ill health, financial worry and fatigue/depression, but now I'm beginning to think that I've just gotten into some bad mental habits. It's impossible for me to discern the difference; Hashimoto's Disease has a way of enshrouding the brain cells with dense fog. For a while I thought it was just that I'd not exercised my creativity for so many years and I needed to get it back into shape, but I've been writing this trilogy long enough to know that's no longer the issue.

RW, at 1 Step Beyond, compares the writing of his current book to "shoveling sludge". I can't think of a better analogy to describe what I'm going through with my own. Just as you get one shovel-load scooped up, an equal amount of the crap flows into the space you just cleared, and it feel endless. There is no end in sight--it could go on forever--and if you ever do reach the end you just might find there's nothing down there but a stratum of hardened, impenetrable bedrock.

It's enough to make you drink, but then you just get sleepy and you go to bed thinking, "Tomorrow". Then tomorrow it's the same sludge pit, and the next day, and the next...

Sometimes, I think that if I could hole up alone in a hotel room somewhere with no distractions and no responsibilities, I'd finally start pounding the hell out of this laptop and make it give up the hundreds of thousands of words I need to finish this project. But I know me. If I were to find myself in that kind of set up, I'd settle into my usual routine very quickly. The only difference would be that I'd spend too much time in the hotel bar. Safer for me to stay home, where I drink water, tea and lemonade more than I do wine.

So here it is 2:00 in the morning and I'm thinking, "Tomorrow". And with that I'm finishing this glass of ice water, then turning off the light.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Good Night, Sweet Prince

(Updated at 1:20 am Sunday June 6 to include new information I have found.)

Nowadays, I shy away from posting entries that are either angry or melancholy. My reasons are my own, so I won't go into justifying myself. The point is, last night during a research session, I came upon something that has somehow slipped beneath the radar--both mine and that of the general public--for the past year

All these years we've believed that Jimi Hendrix died of  asphyxiation--of choking on his own vomit after mixing sleeping pills with wine before going to bed after a night of orgies and wild partying. This has forever tainted his image and, because he died at the age of 27, he has been inducted into the so-called 27 Club, whose members include Brian Jones, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Kurt Kobain and a great many others whose deaths are somehow mysterious or tragic. Of course, any death that occurs at so young an age is tragic, but that's not the point of this entry.

Because I met Jimi (you can read my story here) and found him to be a truly kind and gentlemanly person, I have a soft spot in my heart for him. Anyone who met him feels the same way, I've learned, so I know I didn't just happen to meet him on a good night. By all reports, he was the genuine article and, although his stage performances were electrifying and sometimes shocking, his shyness and gentleness still come through the videos if you know how to recognize those traits in him.

In 2009 Tappy Wright, a roadie for both The Jimi Hendrix Experience and The Animals, published Rock Roadie, a book in which he reveals the true nature of Jimi's death. I might not tend to believe his account so readily if it didn't include a confession by Jimi's second manager (and Animals manager) Michael Jeffrey (Jimi was first managed by Chas Chandler, bass man for The Animals). Like the taped confession of Brian Jones' murder by Frank Thorogood, Jeffrey's confession rings true to me.

Michael Jeffrey is well-known for having been the business manager from hell, acting out the worst case scenario of what happens when the suits take over the arts. He has been condemned by members of The Animals, who blame him for their breakup, claiming that he worked the group into the ground and made off with most of their earnings. People in the loop allege that Jeffery siphoned off most of Hendrix's income as well and channeled it into foreign bank accounts, and that he had dubious connections to US intelligence services (insiders often claimed that he worked for MI5, British Secret Intelligence and that he had connections to European organized crime). Jeffrey himself admitted to being an intelligence agent. Once, when Jimi's bassist Noel Redding asked where Jeffery was going with briefcases of the band's money, he was asked to leave.

In his book Tappy Wright wrote that Jeffrey drunkenly confessed to killing Jimi by stuffing pills into his mouth and washing them down with several bottles of red wine because he feared Hendrix intended to dump him for a new manager. Jeffrey told him in 1971 that Jimi had been "worth more to him dead than alive" as he had taken out a life insurance policy on the musician worth $2 million, with himself as the beneficiary. Jeffrey, it seems, had a history of insurance fraud, which is he how he acquired the capital to sign The Animals in 1964. In his book, Tappy writes:
"I had to do it, Tappy. You understand, don't you? I had to do it. You know damn well what I'm talking about. I was in London the night of Jimi's death and together with some old friends... we went round to Monika's hotel room, got a handful of pills and stuffed them into his mouth... then poured a few bottles of red wine deep into his windpipe. I had to do it. Jimi was worth much more to me dead than alive. That son of a bitch was going to leave me. If I lost him, I'd lose everything."
Dr. John Bannister, the surgeon who treated Jimi at hospital, said he was convinced the star had drowned in red wine, despite having very little alcohol in his bloodstream.
"I recall vividly the very large amounts of red wine that oozed from his stomach and his lungs and in my opinion there was no question that Jimi Hendrix had drowned, if not at home then on the way to the hospital."
Jimi died on September 18, 1970. An emergency ambulance team found his body in the Samarkand Hotel in west London, in the room of Monika Dannemann, whom he had known for only a few days. He was found alone, lying on his back. The door of the room was wide open and there was no record of who had called the ambulance.

When you read online that he died from mixing drugs and alcohol in his girlfriend's flat, remember that's all crap. I have a stinking suspicion that she was used to lure him to her hotel, where Jeffrey and his henchmen could accomplish the "hit". And I'm not the only one. Kathy Etchingham, Jimi's live-in girlfriend for over two years believes the same thing. When she and Monika Danneman began to legally confront each other regarding Jimi's mysterious death, the latter committed suicide. Or perhaps it wasn't a suicide; there are questions.

This story has made me so damned angry and so utterly sad, I can scarcely articulate it and, at the risk of sounding maudlin, I confess that it makes me well up whenever I think about it. Maybe it's just that I'm so close to the Sixties and the Rock personalities of that time right now while I'm writing my trilogy. Maybe it's just that I loved Jimi. Maybe it's both, or maybe it's something that I haven't yet defined. I don't know.

My only consolation is that Michael Jeffrey was killed in a mid-air collision in 1973 before he could screw or murder anyone else. Some claim that he was making a get-away after finally receiving the insurance money following the long arbitration period. I kind of hope so. That's real karma.

_____________________
Sources:

Friday, June 4, 2010

Timelines Fly When You're Having Fun

Through the years I've discovered that as a writer of historical fiction, my best tool is a well-researched timeline. For some reason I didn't think I needed one for my trilogy though, which spans the years 1966 to 1986 (maybe '96, judging from the way things are looking). I don't know why I thought I could skip this laborious task. Probably because I wasn't thinking of a story set so recently--and during my lifetime--as true historical fiction. I was seriously wrong.

I'd created a sketchy timeline of my characters and the events that take place in the story, but as I began reading biographies and autobiographies of people like Eric Clapton, Pattie Boyd, Bob Dylan, Ringo Starr, the Beatles and Brian Jones, and researching Soho nightclubs and "Swinging London" online, I realized there were a lot of events that would have to affect my characters for the the story to ring true. And we all know what I perfectionist I am.

So last Monday I began an extensive timeline using Excel, probably my favorite Microsoft program. As I'd read my pile of library books, I'd paperclipped pages that contained events that I thought were important, so I went through all those books and transferred the info into my database--everything from drug busts to music festivals, Watergate to the Moon Landing. Then I used a number of online resources, and then my trilogy. 

Some things needed to be rewritten, of course. For example, you can't have Jimi Hendrix performing at the Bag O' Nails in London if he was actually performing at the Filmore East in NYC that particular night. When I read inaccuracies like that in other people's books it makes me crazy. As a friend of mine used to say, "It only costs a nickel more to go first class." I loathe lazy research with a purple passion.

Anyway, I finished the timeline (three, actually, because it is after all a trilogy), saved it, and started getting ready for bed. I opened it one more time before turning off the light. I was proud of my labors. I hit Save again and closed down my laptop. When I clicked on the file the next morning, it was gone. Just the first few events--probably only about seven lines in the database--sat looking at me, but everything else was just gone.

To make a long story short, I had to recreate the entire timeline. It took me two days and nights, but I slogged on through, once again using those books (thank goodness I didn't return them to the library early), my bookmarked online resources and, at last, my manuscript. I finished last night, saved and resaved, then saved a copy to my domain as well as to disk. When I opened Excel this morning, there it was, all pretty and smiling at me.

So today I can not only get back to writing, I can also return the library books on the day they're due. Both I and the City of Stillwater are pleased.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Om, Nothing Bad, Om

Every morning when I wake up, I find myself involuntarily chanting a kind of mantra to myself: "Nothing bad. Nothing bad." This started a few years ago when Nettl and I were in the midst of crises that nearly crippled us. We've gone through 10 years that I never want to repeat. Health issues, financial setbacks, emotional turmoil, deaths, personal attacks--you name it, we went through it.

Our move to this lovely little cottage, though a "move down" by some people's estimation, was the best decision we've ever made. Slowly over the 10 months that we've been here we've gotten on our feet and, outside of the past month's string of events (washing machine broke, got a huge leak in the laundry closet, AC broke, main drain backed up and, worst of all, Nettl nearly died and had to have emergency surgery), things are going pretty good. At least, if we had to go through those things, we weren't flat busted. Unlike the first six months we were here, we had food in the fridge, and we ate Ramen because we got a craving for it, not because it's all we could afford. We don't have a lot--we have to be careful and still can't go out like we used to in our dating days--but we're secure. If we feel like going to the local sonic for a cherry-limeade, or if we want to go out to dinner once every couple of weeks, we can.

Anyway, in the past decade I've gotten so used to my upon waking panic attacks that, when I wake up now, I have to say to myself, "Nothing bad is happening" as my sleep-shrouded brain struggles to remember that the rent and bills are paid, there's a little money in the bank, and we can eat. The mantra has shortened itself to the aforementioned "Nothing bad. Nothing bad."

I'm waiting for the day when I've gotten so used to life being secure that I cease to hear myself say it at all. That might take a little time.

When something goes wrong,
I'm the first to admit it;
I'm the first to admit it,
And the last one to know.

When something goes right,
Well, it's likely to lose me,
It's apt to confuse me,
It's such an unusual sight;
I can't get used to something so right.


Something So Right by Paul Simon

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

A Day in the Life

Back in the Sixties, one of the things I outfitted my room with was an oscilloscope that I'd found in my dad's garage. I loved to turn all the lights off, put on Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, then sit in front of the oscilloscope, which I'd attached to my little stereophonic record player, and watch the waves travel across the tiny, round screen. The concept of seeing music excited me as I watched the bass line, a harmony, or Ringo's high-hat.

When I found this picture online last night, I'd just downloaded the remastered recording of the LP and was listening to it through my headphones (I have the "cans" type that completely isolate the ears from outside sounds).

Wow!

The picture is a visual of A Day in The Life, the final track of the album. If you look at it carefully (click to enlarge), you can see the 24 measures of the two orchestral crescendos. At the end of the last one, you can see the single measure of silence before the final chord. That really excited me for some reason. You see the first crescendo's climax just after 2:15, an orchestral cadence (following John's "Ahhhh" passage) just after 3:15, then the second crescendo's climax just after 4:15. I love the symmetry in that and I love that music is a visual and aural art, as well as science and mathematics.

Following the final orchestral crescendo, the song ends with one of the most famous final chords in music history. Lennon, McCartney, Starr, and (Beatles assistant Mal) Evans shared three different pianos, with Martin on the Harmonium, and all played an E-major chord simultaneously. The final chord was made to ring out for over forty seconds by increasing the recording sound level as the vibration faded out. Towards the end of the chord the recording level was so high that listeners can hear the sounds of the studio, including rustling papers and a squeaking chair. (Wikipedia)

Is it wrong for me to say, all I want to do now is find a little pot, turn off the lights and put on my headphones? This album will never stop being amazing to me because there's always something new to hear and learn, even after 43 years.